The Gospel According To Bob & Larry

Sometimes truth comes in the oddest places. Sometimes it’s something said by a college buddy you had long credited with a rather shallow understanding of life. Sometimes it comes from a book you picked up just to have something to read.

And sometimes it comes while you’re watching VeggieTales with your son.

That’s not to say that I don’t think VeggieTales values truth, in fact, one of the reasons I keep them on hand for my son is that they make Biblical truths so well understood.

But in a kid way. A 3-7 year old way.

So here I am watching VeggieTales “Star of Christmas”. And I’m crying.

Now, I won’t spoil the plot for those who haven’t seen it (and you really should), but a general synopsis is that Millward Phelps (Larry the Cucumber) and Cavis Appythart (Bob the Tomato) are playwrights looking to write a Christmas Eve story that will “teach London how to love”. The general premise isn’t a new one. Jesus is the reason for the season. Christ is the true “star of Christmas”. But what struck me was an ending that reminded me of why; that Jesus’ birth wasn’t a sweet and tender moment, but a glorious inbreaking. That Christ came into a rather sad and broken world that had long forgotten how to have faith or hope or love and gave it a reason and a way to have those things again.

December has begun and, for those who follow the Christian calendar, so has the season of Advent. Advent marks the beginning of the Christian year, the time that we spend in anticipation of the coming of Jesus Christ, culminating on Christmas day.

It is tempting to make Advent a time that simply replaces the giddy excitement of Santa with a more subdued warmth of Jesus. It is tempting to replace “Jingle Bells” with “Joy To The World”, but retain the same surface level nostalgia that Christmas has always had. In other words, it is tempting to replace Claus with Christ and miss that we’ve still made Christmas all about us. Our desires. Our expectations. Our anticipation.

Oftentimes, during Advent, we try and pretend to live in anticipation of Christ’s first arrival. Not that it isn’t helpful to place ourselves in the sandals of those living over 2000 years ago, but we can’t do so simply as a warm and fuzzy imaginative exercise. While it is important that Advent stir in us our own longing for the Kingdom that is “now and not yet” it must also force us to consider those who are still waiting for Christ to arrive for the first time.

For too many who live among us, the love of Christ has yet to enter into their lives. While we sing “O Come O Come Immanuel” in anticipation of a second coming or with a nostalgic look back at the first, many of our friends and neighbors and co-workers are looking for “God with us” to be with us now, today, immediately. For those in prison and on the street, without homes and without hope, the request for Immanuel to come is not a plea of hopeful optimism, but a cry of desperation.

Knowing this, we cannot spend our Advent simply looking for a future that is promised, but dealing with a present that is precarious. We can’t just put on a show full of warm feelings and good cheer and call it a successful Christmas Eve. We have to be the hands and feet of Jesus, moving into a world that is lost and lonely. We must not simply put ourselves in the place of those 2000 years past, but those living in the here and now who are in need of Jesus’ arrival. We must be the second incarnation that we are called to be, we must carry with us the faith and hope and love that so many in this world are still waiting for. We must be bearers of Christ in our neighborhoods and workplaces and cities. We must be Immanuel. We must bring the promise of “God with us” to a world that so desperately needs for Him to be.

Best Books of 2007

The Yiddish Policeman's Union -Michael Chabon
What Is The What -Dave Eggers
The Year of Living Biblically -A.J. Jacobs
Brother, I'm Dying -Edwidge Danticat
Other Colors -Orhan Pamuk
Bowl of Cherries -Millard Kaufman
The Absolutely True Diary of A Part-Time Indian -Sherman Alexie
The Abstinence Teacher -Tom Perrotta
Samedi The Deafness -Jesse Ball
The Beautiful Things That Heaven Bears -Dinaw Mengetsu

Something I've Learned In...

3 1/2 years. That's how long I've been blogging. 3 1/2 years. Not a long time, by most standards, but it seems like a small lifetime's worth of stuff has happened. It seems like even more than that has been learned.

3 1/2 years ago I was about to be married 6 years, now it has been over 9. Harry had yet to arrive (though he was making his presence known to his mother). I was working as a youth minister for an established church in North Carolina.

And I wrote my first blog. It was about the importance of making a lasting impression on our kids, of passing on a legacy of faith within our families. And, in writing it, I came across a statistic that stated the 5 things that parents desire most when it somes to their kids. They were:

1.They longed to understand their teenage children, and they longed to be understood by them.
2.They longed for a close family.
3.They strongly desired outside help.
4.They truly wanted to see their teenagers live a highly moral life.
5.They longed for their teens to have a solid faith.

In that blog, I very "knowingly" stated that these parents' priorities were out of whack. That their number 5 should be their number 1. That I, as a father-to-be with 6 years experience in youth ministry, knew a little something about raising kids.

So, here's what I've learned in 3 1/2 years. That while I still think that #5 informs #4, it is 1-3 that get you there. That, whether it's with dealing with our families or our friends, we can't begin a discussion of faith until we understand and are understood, until we develop a closeness between us, and we certainly can't explore faith without outside help.

Too often, those of us who are Christians forget to follow the model of Christ. To form relationships before we try to force faith. We skip over mutual understanding in the name of truth. We refuse to form faith in community because we're sure we've got it all figured out.

So make #5 a priority, but count on 1-3 to make that happen. And take the parenting advice of twentysomething youth ministers with no kids with a loving and patient grain of salt.

That's just one of the many things I've learned in 3 1/2 years of life and blogging. Keep reading along. And be patient with me. I'm still learning.

2007 Top 23

1. Arcade Fire -Neon Bible
2. Bruce Springsteen -Magic
3. Radiohead -In Rainbows
4. Dr. Dog -We All Belong

5. Wilco -Sky Blue Sky
6. Rock Plaza Central -Are We Not Horses?
7. Okkervil River -Stage Names
8. Bill Callahan -Woke On A Whaleheart
9. Iron & Wine -The Shepherd's Dog
10. The Shins -Wincing The Night Away
11. Ola Podrida -Ola Podrida
12. Zookeeper -Becoming All Things

13. The Good, The Bad & The Queen -The Good, The Bad & The Queen

14. Spoon -Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga
15. Band of Horses -Cease To Begin
16. Monahans -Low Pining

17. Andrew Bird -Armchair Apocrypha

18. The Choir Practice -The Choir Practice
19. The New Pornographers -Challengers

20. The White Stripes -Icky Thump

21. Derek Webb -The Ringing Bell

22. Ron Sexsmith -Time Being

23. Ryan Adams -Easy Tiger

When Newer Isn't Better

"Everything around and underneath has been from prehistoric times as unaltered as the stars overhead, and gives ballast to the mind adrift on change, and harassed by the irrepressible New." -Thomas Hardy

Liberty and Leaps of Faith

It is evident to all that sectarianism has received a death wound, and as light increases, liberty will in the same ratio increase, and the truth will run and be glorified, unfettered from human manacles, untrammeled by the fear of man. Christians will flow together. I have seen sheep pent up in a lean pasture, looking through the crevices of their enclosure at a flock grazing on a rich field at liberty—I have seen their manifestations of anxiety to be with them, in their bleating and running along the fence to find a place of escape. At length one made the leap and many followed. –Barton Stone

Come Meet The New School: Reflections on Micah Hinson, Elvis Costello, and Expecting the Unexpected

So, last night I'm sitting around at a friend's baby shower when someone happens to mention a Micah P. Hinson show happening that night at Emos.

My ears perk up. I'm interested. I've been a fan of Hinson's music since my ACU days and a little thing called "Party On The Patio". I've been listening to his albums since he first released "Gospel of Progress". But I had never seen his live show, at least not since he had begun touring outside of Abilene, TX. So I jumped in the car and tagged along.

Here's what I expected.

I expected to enjoy myself. I'm with friends in downtown Austin. As long as no one spills beer on me, I'm going to enjoy myself.

I expected to enjoy the music. Hinson's albums are favorites and I'd been assured that his live show doesn't disappoint.

Here's what I did not expect.

Fervor.

Hope.

Unadulterated joy.

Not happiness, mind you. If you're looking for happiness, go eat a chocolate chip cookie.

Joy. The joy that reaches up, out, and under. The hope that smiles when it can and screams when it has to. The fervor that shakes and shouts and shimmies. The more I watched the more I couldn't look away. Hinson smiles like a kid who just lifted you wallet and cries out like a bear whose just lost her cubs. He is raw and he is real and he is rock and he is roll.

As I watch him move and shake and sing and play I am reminded of someone. Some now-aging superstar who once moved across the stage the way Hinson does today. Someone of the old school. I'm reaching back. Orbison. Cash. Presley. And then it hits me. I had the Elvis right, but not the Presley.

Costello. Watching a Micah Hinson show is like watching Elvis Costello, back in the day. When Hinson knocks his microphone stand aside in frustration, he does it with the same commitment to the cause that had Costello stop "Less Than Zero" only to launch into "Radio Radio".

And then it all came together for me. That coy grin. That wildcat roar. The music that borrows from the sadness of country and the anger of punk and makes of it something completely new. I should have expected it. I should have seen it coming. But I never did.

But when I finally saw it, it was something to see.

Whether you're a Hinson fan or not, I recommend catching his show. And to go in expecting the unexpected.

FCPs and Latte Dolls

Overwhelmed by the idea of being our next President? Why not take up pole dancing? Put off by the role of wife and mother, but don't have the skills to go into business for yourself? Have you considered a career in the porn industry?

I just finished reading a fantastic book by Ariel Levy titled "Female Chauvinist Pigs". The book is a report on a "neo-feminist" wave that adopts the deplorable imagery and identifiers that men used to force on women and calls it "being liberated". It depicts rather depressing accounts of "feminists" who seem to think that the most progressive thing they can do as women is to take on the worst qualities of men.

Within hours of finishing the book, a friend sent me a link to a news story on Austin's newest sensation, The Latte Dolls. It's an outdoor coffee stand where scantily clad women serve coffee to horny men. Their motto is "for those who like it HOT."

So, here's my question: Am I taking this too seriously, or is this a serious problem? Is there something depressing and even dangerous that happens when "sexy" is less about who a person is and more about the image they present? Or do I just need to lighten up?

Manifesto: The Mad Farmer Liberation Front

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion - put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

-Wendell Berry

Live and Learn

I'm a city kid. Spent most of my growing up in Chitown. I like big buildings and elevated trains and a plethora of restaurants and book shops and music stores. I like the pace and feel of it. I like the steady hum. When I'm in a city, it feels like home.

So, if someone had sat me down a decade ago and suggested that I might want to try a couple of days away in the middle of Arkansas, a place where Little Rock is the Big City, I'd most likely have nodded politely and been on my way.

Unless that somebody was a firecracker named Rachel. Then I'd have given it a shot.

And boy, would I be glad I did.

Because for the initial bit of culture shock and and the 60+ strangers and the inside jokes and stories and the general overwhelming nature of it all (I asked my now father-in-law for his blessing in marrying Rachel), it was a pretty enjoyable holiday.

But not as much as the one two years later. Or the one after that. And so on.

Every two years some 60+ people gather in a place I'd just have soon passed by a decade ago. And every time we meet, I enjoy it more than the last time we met. And I live a little more. And I learn a little more. About these 60+ people. About myself. About what it means to be family.

In a few days, Rachel and Harry and I will pack up the mini-van and head off to Cord, AR. We'll spend a couple of days playing cards and fishing and walking in the woods and talking a lot and eating a lot and relaxing a lot.

And I will thank God for the blessing of a family I didn't know I needed. For some 60+ people who gather in a place that feels like home.

Peace To You

Our prayer is for new life, peace, reconciliation, and healing for Austin and for our broken world. God’s people have a word for that new life, peace, reconciliation, and healing -- it is “shalom”. Saying “shalom” purposefully means to offer a peace treaty, a pledge to live for the other’s well-being, a covenant to desire and seek the good life of God’s favor together. Our desire as a community is to offer “shalom” to you.

These words are found at our Immanuel Austin website and, as a community, we take them seriously. Peace and peacemaking have been on my mind a lot this week (see previous blog) as I have seen those I love struggle to make peace. Tonight, Immanuel will gather, as a community, to worship. We will take time in communion to share the bread and wine as symbols of the body and blood we share. We will offer it as a peace treaty to one another and we will remember that we are called outside of ourselves to offer peace to everyone we meet.

Though we're strangers, still I love you
I love you more than your mask
And you know you have to trust this to be true
And I know that's much to ask
But lay down your fears, come and join this feast
He has called us here, you and me

And may peace rain down from Heaven
Like little pieces of the sky
Little keepers of the promise
Falling on these souls
This drought has dried
In His Blood and in His Body
In the Bread and in this Wine
Peace to you
Peace of Christ to you

And though I love you, still we're strangers
Prisoners in these lonely hearts
And though our blindness separates us
Still His light shines in the dark

And His outstretched arms are still strong enough to reach
Behind these prison bars to set us free

So may peace rain down from Heaven
Like little pieces of the sky
Little keepers of the promise
Falling on these souls the drought has dried
In His Blood and in His Body
In this Bread and in this Wine
Peace to you
Peace of Christ to you

And may peace rain down from Heaven
Like little pieces of the sky
Like those little keepers of the promise
Falling on these souls the draught has dried
In His Blood and in His Body
In the Bread and in this Wine
Peace to you
Peace of Christ to you
Peace to you
Peace of Christ to you

Blessed Are The Peacemakers

No matter who succeeds or fails, the peacemakers will always suffer. -Old Irish proverb

This one has been on my mind a lot this week. Not because I do all that a good a job of peacemaking, but because of my great admiration for those that do. Raise a glass to the peacemakers. And remember Christ's blood when you do.

BelleCityPop and The Next Big Thing

But that's redundant. The fact is (you just don't know it yet), BelleCityPop is the next big thing. If you haven't had a chance to hear the artists/bands on the bellecitypop label, make sure to do so immediately (www.bellecitypop.com).

While the music of The Sad Accordians, The Trapdoor Band, and Zookeeper (to name a few) is all unique in its own right, each has the feel of an all-night jam session that went just right, a collective of carolers gathered on the doorstep of the city, a living room gathering that features both fireplace and grill. The albums put out by bellecity capture the joyful intimacy that made us fans of Sufjan Stevens and Devotchka. These guys and gals make you feel like family, their music makes you want to take them home.

Belonging...Believing...Becoming

When Immanuel began it was with the intent of being a place of belonging, believing, and becoming. While we didn't want to be a church that was defined in reaction to something else, this process was certainly a response to what some of our backgrounds had been.

Too often, being a part of the church begins and ends with believing. If you will answer "true" to the following set of belief statements, you can be a part of the church, at which point you can fill a pew until eternity and we'll never bother you again.

There are two problems with this way of thinking about church. First is that we are asking people to join up with a group that they have no life experience with, no reason to trust, no reason to believe in. We have long acted as if that didn't matter; if you believe the truth, you'll get on board.

But imagine it this way. If I pull into the neighbor's driveway and shout to their kids playing in the yard, "hey, get in, we're going to Disneyland!" should they get in the car with me? Does it make any difference whether I'm telling the truth or not? How are they to know?

On the other hand, if I pull into my driveway and shout to Harry, "we're going to Disneyland!" he has every reason to get excited. The truth of the promise is backed up by trust in the relationship.

Too often, we think that the fact that "Jesus is Lord" is true should be enough reason for others to jump in with us. We forget that they have no reason to trust us and, therefore, no reason to believe that the promise is true. Instead, church must be a place where others can simply belong and discover for themselves if the people and the promise are trustworthy.

The second problem with beginning and ending with belief is that we never move from being believers to disciples. Christians love to quote the great comission as their reason for trying to convince others to believe, but the great comission goes beyond belief. "Go into all the world and make disciples..." Jesus said. His intent is that our belief in Him should lead us into following Him. This is the "believing obedience" that Paul talks about in Romans. If we believe in Him we will become like Him ands follow His example.

And in becoming like Him, we will carry faith and hope and love to those most in need of it. We will provide a place to belong, a reason to believe, and a person to become. This is what it means to be the Body of Christ.

Greatest Hits Vol. I

I was cruising around the metacrtic site, looking at upcoming releases, when I came across the soon-to-be released Goo Goo Dolls album. The title of said album is "Greatest Hits Vol. I"

That may be one of the most optimistic uses of the phrase "Vol. I" that I have ever come across.

Post-Restorationist Podcast

If you're interested:

http://web.mac.com/disciplesfellowship/iWeb/Travelers/ChurchJourney/ChurchJourney.html

Sabbath and the City

One of the bonus benefits of having house church gatherings on Sunday nights is that it frees us to Sabbath. Sometimes that means relaxing around the house or walking the neighborhood, oftentimes (like today) it means getting out into the city. Today was one of those days, walking around, breakfasting at Trudy's, picking out a pumpkin from the local pumpkin patch; general reminders of what I love about the city. I am reminded of this poem by Robert Frost

The city is all right.
To live in one
Is to be civilized,
Stay up and read
Or sing and dance
All night and
See sunrise by
Waiting up instead
Of getting up.

Be The Church and Go To People

I've been saying for months now that our "job" as the church isn't to get people to go to church, but to be the church and go to people. Just came across a quote that put it this way:

"The emerging movement is not attractional in its model of the church but is instead missional: that is, it does not invite people to church but instead wanders into the world as the church. It asks its community “How can we help you?” instead of knocking on doors to increase membership. In other words, it becomes a community with open windows and open doors and sees Sunday morning as the opportunity to prepare for a week of service to the community, asking not how many are attending the services but what redemptive traits are we seeing in our community. It wants to embody a life that is other-oriented rather than self-oriented, that is community-directed rather than church-oriented."

Yeah, what he said.

Risk Frustration

"To hope is to risk frustration. Therefore, make up your mind to risk frustration." -from New Seeds of Contemplation by Thomas Merton

Too often I find myself unwilling to hope. I find myself willing to wish, but less often willing to hope. In wishing, I conjure up an ideal that I am not willing to take part in and therefore have no hope of actually experiencing. In hoping, I realize that I must participate and accept the consequences of that which I am hoping for.

If I wish for peace on earth, then I am content to simply imagine a world in which there is no strife or meanness of hatred. I don't actually believe in it, nor am I willing to work for it.

If I hope for peace on earth, then I am expected to turn the other cheek, to love my enemy, to sell what I have and give it to the poor. I must be willing to make the sacrifices that come with hope.

Morgan Freeman's character, Red, famously spoke the tagline to the movie "The Shawshank Redemption" -"Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane."

At the very least, it can bring frustration. Because that which we hope for means that which we are willing to work for, and sacrifice for, and die for. And those sorts of things take time. The impossible can take awhile.

But it can still happen. And does happen. And has happened. And is happening. In the person of Jesus and through His Spirit at work in us, we see the impossible being made possible. Being made possible by the one and through the one who calls us to hope. Who offers us a new beginning and a new way and a new life, but only a life that begins with death, only a way that leads to a cross.

In "The Shawshank Redemption", the main character, Andy Dufrense, gets free from prison by crawling through a sewer pipe the length of five football fields. Red sums up his sacrifice this way: "Andy Dufresne - who crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side."

Sometimes freedom means a river of shit. Most times hope means frustration. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't hope, it just means you should risk frustration.

Close To Paradise

"I will now sell 5 copies of Three EPs by the Beta Band."

You remember that scene in High Fidelity. The Beta Band's "Dry The Rain" begins to play over the speakers and customers begin to move with the beat. One customer looks up and asks, "Who is this?"

It's a tried and true record store method and it works on me even though I know the trick. Every once in awhile I'm walking through my favorite record store (Waterloo Records at 6th and Lamar) and something will be playing that catches my ear.

Last night it was Patrick Watson. Better than Coldplay and just short of Jeff Buckley, stylistically somewhere in between. Close To Paradise is the album and it just came out. If you have the chance to give it a listen, I highly recommend it.

Marcus Borg and "The Life of Brian"

Marcus Borg frustrates me. There are various reasons for this, but here is a major one. Let's begin with a quote from the man, himself:

"There are four options for thinking about the relationship between Jesus’ own self-awareness and his messianic status.

1. Jesus thought he was the messiah, and he was right.

2. Jesus thought he was the messiah, and he was wrong.

3. Jesus didn’t think he was the messiah, and therefore he wasn’t the messiah.

4. Whether or not Jesus thought he was the messiah, he is the messiah."

Borg writes this in a book titled "The Meaning of Jesus". In it, Borg and N.T. Wright (two Oxford educated theologians who represent the liberal and conservative sides in the Historical Jesus debate) explain their opposing viewpoints when it comes to who Jesus was, and is, and claimed to be. Looking at Borg's list of 4, Wright would be #1 and Borg #4. Anyone who knows me won't be surprised that I am also a #1. And while I don't agree with numbers 2 and 3, I find them to be reasonable, if incorrect. #4, on the other hand, seems like a plot synopsis for Monty Python's "The Life of Brian". The #4 take is that, because enough people claimed Jesus was the Messiah and were shaped by that claim, Jesus was the Messiah in spite of the fact that he...wasn't.

The thing is, Borg is crazy smart and I wouldn't begin to attempt to accuse him of being anything but. That just makes this all the more baffling. I can see defending the #2 or #3 position, even though I don't believe them. The #4 position seems untenable. Someone please explain it to me.

I Love This Time of Year

BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE!

You either get it or you don't, folks.

I'll be getting mine at midnight tonight.

On Being Emergent and Neo-Restorationist

A recent podcast and article. In case you wanted to check it out:

http://web.mac.com/disciplesfellowship/iWeb/Travelers/Unfinished/Unfinished.html

http://the-next-wave-ezine.info/issue105/index.cfm?id=28&ref=ARTICLES%5FEMERGING%20CHURCH%5F404

Expectations of Church

I was in Abilene this past week, having been asked by my alma mater (ACU) to come speak at their annual Lectureship and share stories about Immanuel Austin and our desire to "bring church to people" before we bring people to church.

As I ran into former classmates, many of whom are now working for churches, I got to share stories about how rewarding the past couple of years have been. The way I found myself explaining it to them was by saying, "this is the first time in over two years that Rachel and I have had anything like a vacation...and all we want to do is get back home."

As I spent time with our house church last night and walked into BookPeople this morning, I realized how true that was. And I find myself recalling the incredulous looks of ministers and Christians who can't imagine loving church and following Jesus as much as we are.

And I remember that it wasn't that long ago that I felt the same way. And I wonder when we started settling for church as place instead of people, and not even that inviting or exciting a place.

We're not "getting it right" at Immanuel and we certainly aren't doing anything fancy or impressive. Yet, I find that this church is consistently a source of good news for me, a group of people that remind me what it means do the difficult and rewarding work of walking in relationship with God.

I Am As Old As Hip Hop

I am as old as hip hop
as angry and confused
as sold out and conflicted
as beat up and abused
as hopeful and progressive
as backward and profane
as full of wit and wisdom
as messed up and insane

We are like brothers
born in the same year
raised up in the same city
shaped by the same icons and images
chased after and beaten down on the same streets
puffed up with credibility
both earned and faked
walking that walk
talking that talk
feeding that myth
born of reality

We are the same
and yet not the same

jumpy and confident
pimped out and insecure
crying for justice
desperate for love

sampling the past
to make sense of the present

unsure about the future
but proclaiming just the same

I am as old as hip hop
the same, but not the same
born of different mothers
go by different names
and though we share a history
we often disagree

and so I cannot speak for hip hop
and hip hop cannot speak for me

Camus On Christians and Suffering

"When an innocent youth can have his eyes destroyed, a Christian should either lose his faith or consent to having his eyes destroyed." -from The Plague by Albert Camus

A Prayer Worth Praying

This is a prayer written by my friend and former professor, Randy Harris, for the beginning of the new school year:

O God,
All of our instincts tell us to pray for nothing but good things for this semester,
But we know that this is self serving and short sighted.
So we pray that you will give us whatever we need to be your people.

We pray
You will give us enough joy to make us cheerful and serene
and enough sorrow to make us big-hearted and compassionate.
You will give us enough success to make us confident and hopeful,
and enough failure to keep us humble and dependent on you
You will give us enough of the cross to make us like Jesus
and that resurrection power will always be present in our lives.

We pray, O God, that you will hold us so close to your side
that the Evil One cannot touch us.
And that as you place your hands of blessing on us we will become your hands to bless the world.
In the Name of Jesus, Amen.

The Hair On The Head of the Body of Christ

I thought about what an undertaker had told me once - that your hair keeps growing, for a while anyway, after you die, and then it stops. I thought, "What keeps it growing? Is it like a plant in soil? What goes out of the soil? The soul? And when does the hair realize that it's gone?" -Ed Crane in The Man Who Wasn't There

I got to see this film for the first time, a few nights back, and this analogy has been scratching at the back of my mind ever since. It may not be completely thought out, but I'll risk it.

I've been thinking lately about my beard. It's getting to be longer than it has ever been and I am increasingly fond of it. It isn't vanity, but I find myself fascinated with this mane of hair coming out of my face and down my chin.

One of the things that fascinates me about it, is how much it feels. I discovered something similar when I began shaving my head. Just one hair left unshaven can make me keenly aware of the wind that's blowing.

And yet, as soon as it's cut off, that feeling ends. Ed Crane gives voice to this during one of his sessions in the barber shop. How this hair that is a part of us gets cut off and thrown away and then isn't any good for anything except the trash heap.

And I think about how the more cut off from Christ I am, the less I feel. I think about the times in my life when I put distance between us and how dead I was, how little growth I experienced.

And I think about that hair that grows even after it's dead. How it almost doesn't even know it's dead, it just keeps growing and thinking it's getting somewhere. How long it takes before it realizes that it's gone.

And I think about Jesus talking about the vine and the branches:

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. -John 15:1-6

And I think about how we always talk about heaven and hell as if they're rewards and punishments and wonder if they are more simply a matter of choice. If we cut ourselves off, thinking we can grow on our own, and see that we are growing for awhile, and think that means we're still alive. If what we call punishment is actually pruning and what we call hell is what happens when we refuse to be connected to something real and alive.

I know that's been true for me. The moments when I cut myself off were the moments I came closest to dying. The times I tried to grow my own way were the times when I began to wither and die.

But the times when I have sought connection with Jesus Christ, the true vine, even when pruning felt like punishment and refining happened by fire; those are the times when I have produced the fruits of the Spirit -love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, fathfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Those are the times when I have been most alive.

A Book Quiz Shouldn't Make Me This Happy

A friend of mine directed me to a website that asks questions and then tells you what book you are. This was my result:

You're A Prayer for Owen Meany!

by John Irving

Despite humble and perhaps literally small beginnings, you inspire
faith in almost everyone you know. You are an agent of higher powers, and you manifest
this fact in mysterious and loud ways. A sense of destiny pervades your every waking
moment, and you prepare with great detail for destiny fulfilled. When you speak, IT
SOUNDS LIKE THIS!


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

This is one of my top 5 books. I've read it almost 10 times. I love that this is what came up.

Soundtrack of My Life: The College Years

20 Tracks:

1) The Last Goodbye -Jeff Buckley
2) Is Chicago, Is Not Chicago -Soul Coughing
3) Ants Marching -Dave Matthews Band
4) Zombie -The Cranberries
5) Wonderwall -Oasis
6) Fake Plastic Trees -Radiohead
7) Ground On Down -Ben Harper
8) The Ghost of Tom Joad -Bruce Springsteen
9) 1979 -The Smashing Pumpkins
10) The Stars of Track and Field -Belle and Sebastian
11) Lord Only Knows -Beck
12) Misunderstood -Wilco
13) Ready or Not -The Fugees
14) Brick -Ben Folds Five
15) Not Dark Yet -Bob Dylan
16) Between The Bars -Elliott Smith
17) Karma Police -Radiohead
18) Independent -Damien Jurado
19) The Longer I Lay Here -Pedro the Lion
20) Two Headed Boy Pt. 2 -Neutral Milk Hotel

Humility, Mystery, and the "I don't know"

More than a few of my recent conversations with fellow pastors and Christian thinkers have been focused on the subject of humility and mystery, of acknowledging the "I don't know" in things.

Many of these conversations have focused on a fairly new development in the Church known as the "emerging" or "emergent". Some describe emergent as a movement, others as a conversation. Recent books have been written attempting to nail down a specific theology and doctrine of emergent churches. This has proved quite impossible.

This is because what makes a church "emergent" is only one characteristic in many. It's like asking what a sad person's views on the environment are or trying to discern what Democrats like on their pancakes. It isn't the summation of something. The term itself means different things to different people.

I am most comfortable with the term "emerging" referring to a conversation rather than a movement. The defining characteristic of the emerging churches, it seems to me, is a willingness to admit that we don't have all the answers. A bit of humility, a bit of mystery, a bit of the "I don't know."

In fact, the major complaint against the emerging conversation (of which I would consider myself a part) is that those of us taking part in it don't believe anything, that we're impossible to nail down, that we won't just come out and say what we mean.

So let me just say to our critics, in some cases, that's true.

The emergents work sort of the way postmodernism works -as a corrective (to fundamentalism or modernism) they're great, on their own, they're much weaker. The problem with fundamentalism and modernism is that they both claimed to have all the answers. The way that the emergents and postmodernists act as a corrective is by admitting they don't even know all the questions.

However, both emergents and postmodernists can get so keen on humility and mystery that they become cagey and overly ironic. Everything could be true, no one really knows anything for sure. This is the complaint of the fundamentalist and the modernist against the emergent and the postmodernist.

The problem with the fundamentalist and modernist is that they think they know everything and they're sure they can prove it. The emergents and postmodernists were a welcome and necessary response to such an arrogant and outlandish stance.

However, the emergent and the postmodernist too often avoid any talk of anything true. We can get quiet and even shifty when asked about what we know. This is the mistake the emergents can make. We've overcorrected as correctives almost always do. We make the mistake of acting like we don't know anything simply because we don't know everything.

I love my wife.

Now, imagine the integrity I would lack if I took the approach that stated that I not only have never doubted our love for each other, I can prove, on paper, that we love each other. It would be absurd.

Now, imagine the hope I would lack if I took the approach that stated "well, I think I love my wife...I'm pretty sure she loves me...although how can you ever really know?"

What we need is another alternative, one that acknowledges the moments of doubt and has the faithfulness to push through them. One that has enough history to say with confidence "I love my wife" and know that it is true.

I know that God is real. I know that Jesus died and then rose up from the dead. I believe that forgiveness of sins and a new way of living are available to all who follow Christ. I can't prove it and I have moments when I question it, but I believe that it is reasonable, based on evidence and experience. It's faith, which means it has mystery, but it isn't blind faith. And I don't have to pretend that I don't believe what I do believe and call it humility. It wouldn't be humility if we were talking about anything else, why is it humility when we're talking about God?

The fact is, I'm not interested in a modern doctrine or a postmodern doctrine, a fundamentalist theology or an emergent one. I'm interested in being a Christian. As naive as it may sound and as trite as it may seem, I'm interested in continuing to discover who Christ is and what it means to follow him. I'm interested in a faith and a hope that can speak into every context but isn't defined by any of them. I'm interested in the "I don't know" and the "this I know", because they both play a part in what it means to be a Christian. And that's all I want to be.

"So What Do You Do With That?"

I Love To Tell The Story

Last night was one of those events that help to define the experience that is Immanuel. The past few weeks our house church has been filled to capacity, anticipating our birthing of a second house church. Last night, we all met at our second house church location to eat together and celebrate a sort of "birthday party".

Given the number of new folks we've had just over the past month, my intent had been to share a bit of Immanuel's story, how we got started in 2006 and a bit of what has happened since. It was meant to be more informational than transformational, but ended up being more of the latter.

As I began to share the short story of this small church, others in the room began to jump in and share about when they entered into the story. Those who had been a part of the core team were the first to speak up and others soon followed. Over an hour later, everyone in the room had not only shared information about when and how they had come to Immanuel, but the difference it was making in their lives.

By the end of it, I was a complete mess. I had no idea the impact this small church was having, even on those who have only been visiting for a few weeks or have come more to ask questions than because they think we have any answers.

And it occurred to me why we at Immanuel speak in terms of "levels of commitment and involvement" and not in terms of membership. Membership is about belonging, and every person there, Christian or not, newer or older, made it clear that they felt they belong. One of our newer folks grinned as she shook her head and exclaimed, "I never thought that I would be a part of a church!"

We ended in a time of communion, a time when we offer the bread and the wine to any who come seeking Jesus Christ. A time when we remember Christ's sacrifice, give thanks for his offer of salvation, and celebrate the bond that we share. We ended the night the way we began it, by telling our story and participating in it. It was an amazing thing.

Making Online Community Into Real Community

So, let's face it, myspace can be creepy. Yourspace can be too. All our space are belong to us, but that doesn't mean that they aren't regularly invaded by some imaginary girl whose name has an "i" where a "y" should be. Facebook isn't quite as bad, but it still has stalker potential, and I'd still be policing it like a hawk, if I had a 15 year old daughter (note to parents with 15 year old daughters, please police their use of myspace).

That said, I am a part of both (though less and less of myspace) and have gained something from it that runs counter to its whole asthetic...making real friends.

See, occasionally, I'll get an add request (someone who is also online will ask to be your "friend") and will (unless the person is clearly imaginary and trying to sell me something) grant said request. However, I quickly want to get to know the person and find out why they wanted to know me. This serves to weed out the weirdos. It also serves to create new and lasting friendships.

Martin is just one example. Martin and I met through facebook and a common interest in social justice. Martin and I went to grab a cup of coffee at Dominican Joe. Now Martin and I (and a group of like-minded folks) go grab a beer together every Tuesday evening at the Dog & Duck. Say what you will about facebook, I wouldn't have met Martin without it, and I like Martin.

It seems that I regularly hear people having conversations about what a strange thing online communities can be. This isn't my plug for online community. However, it is my suggestion that we can turn online community into real community. People become a part of a myspace or facebook because they're looking to connect to other people. Those of us who value real community can see online community as a chance to reach out to people. People who need people (OK, I'm kidding...really, that was a joke).

If you're wary of online communities, you probably have valid objections and I won't try to talk you out of them. However, if you are a part of online communities, let me encourage you to take them out into the real world, to gather them together over a beer or a cup of coffee. It can be an amazing thing.

Question

What, as you see it, is the purpose of prayer?

Shakey

I am a sucker for biographies, especially music bios. My favorite is Cash by Johnny Cash, but a close second is Shakey by Jimmy McDonough. It is the authorized biography of Neil Young and has everything that a biography that isn't an autobiography should have -revealing interviews, insightful critique, apocrypha and anecdote, and just the smallest bit of the author himself. McDonough's access to Young is stunning, given Young's reputation for being a bit of a recluse. McDonough understands that we come to this book from different angles -love of the music, love of the man, love of a good story- and he gives us lots of each. Whether Harvest is your favorite album, Young is your favorite artist, or biography is your favorite genre, this will be one of your favorite books. The chapter on the making of Tonight's The Night alone is worth the $15.

Jesus Has Left The Building

You know that Christendom has "succeeded" when even those who aren't a part of it (or are antagonistic towards it) accept certain "truths" that it has created.

Few of those "truths" are more accepted by churchgoers and non-churchgoers alike than the idea that church is defined by place. More specifically, church is defined by ownership of space.

If you don't have a place of your own to hang a sign, how can you be a church?

Today at work, one of my co-workers asked about Immanuel, how it was going, and so on. He had heard that we were "doing something different", but wasn't sure what that meant. I did my best to relate the differences in our approach, spoke about house churches, our concept of "belonging before believing", and so on.

When I talked about our commitment to never purchasing property, he seemed confused. He isn't the first.

I should step back for a minute and explain here what I explained today. Immanuel is a community of Christians that meet in various houses. When the regular attendance at these weekly house church meetings gets to be about 25, the group births another house church. This was something different than what he had imagined.

These house churches also gather for a time of worship every week. This was beginning to sound more like church. Except that we gather at someone else's building. The idea is to never have to own our own space.

But what about when we max out the space we're using? At that point, we apply the same birthing concept to the larger worship gathering. When we get to be about 200, we send 50 folks to worship in a second location. We can use other church's buildings, or music venues, or schools. The possibilities are endless. It allows the Immanuel Austin church to exist throughout Austin without ever having a building and a sign that says Immanuel Austin is here. It allows us to be defined by the people and what Christ is doing through them and not the space and what Christ is doing in it.

That isn't to say that we don't think gathering together is important. If we didn't, we wouldn't meet together at least twice a week (a group of us also gathers with friends at a local pub on Tuesdays and to serve at a local food pantry on Saturdays). We just think that we're the church when we're in our homes and at the pub and at the food bank and at the building. As Christ himself promised "whenever two or more are gathered in my name, I am there."

The universal Church has known this for centuries, but Christendom has often made that knowledge more theoretical than practical. Of course the church isn't the building, we say, but we still hold up a specific hour in a specific space as our defining moment. The problem is that by making the space particularly sacred, the event ceases to define us outside of that space.

Every church has its stories, Biblical and otherwise, that it points to for meaning. One of those, for Immanuel, has been the tranfiguration (see my previous blog entry on the transfiguration for more complete thoughts on this). The transfiguration was that moment on the mountain when Christ was revealed in all his glory to a few of his disciples. One of them, Peter, responded by suggesting that they build a place on the mountain in order to remain in the moment. Jesus' response is to go back down the mountain and heal a young boy.

All of us need the time for mountaintop experiences, a time for Christ's glory to be revealed and celebrated. But we must not fall into the trap that Peter suggested, of remaining on the mountain. If he had, he might have been able to continue to dwell upon the experience for some time, but he would have missed the fact that Jesus wasn't there.

As churches, we need an increasing awareness that Jesus has left the building. Not that he isn't present in our times of worship, but that he isn't confined by them. His desire isn't that we simply worship in a specific time and space, but that the experience of worship would redefine us and push us out the door and down the mountain. Our mission isn't to get people to "go to church" it is to be the church and go to people.

One word. No explanations.

1. Yourself: trying
2. Your spouse: faithful
3. Your hair: gone
4. Your mother: strong
5. Your father: determined
6. Your favorite item: bible
7. Your dream last night: forgettable
8. Your favorite drink: water
9. Your dream car: affordable
10. The room you are in: messy
11. Your ex: friend
12. Your fear: failure
13. What you want to be in 10 years: Christlike
14. Who you hung out with last night: Rachel
15. What you're not: anxious
16. Muffins: mooses
17: One of your wish list items: i-pod
18: Time: flies
19. The last thing you did: typed
20. What you are wearing: clothes
21. Your favorite weather: grey
22. Your favorite book: bible
23. The last thing you ate: cracker
24. Your life: marvelous
25. Your mood: sedate
26. Your best friend: encouraging
27. What you're thinking about right now: you
28. Your car: steady
29. What you are doing at the moment: typing
30. Your summer: busy
31. Your relationship status: taken
32. What is on your TV: nothing
33. What is the weather like: humid
34. When was the last time you laughed: today

9 years

Every year I say it, and every year it's true- I praise God for my amazing wife and the blessing that she is to me, to my son, and to everyone she comes into contact with.

Every year I say it, and every year it's true- I praise God for showing me what faithfulness and unconditional love look like and for helping me to have a bit more of each.

I haven't been able to say it every year, but I said it last year and it is true again- this has been the most exciting and rewarding of my nine years married. I am as close to my wife as I have ever been, as in love with her as I have ever been, as proud to be her husband, partner, and friend as I have ever been.

And one thing we agreed upon at year 5 that we've agreed upon again at 9- we'd like to have a baby.

Your prayers of thanksgiving and of blessing are appreciated. Your support and encouragement through these 9 years has been as well, and continue to be. Love you all.

But not as much as I love her. Love you, Rach.

My Top 5 Top 5

This week I’ve been listening to a lot of Neil Young. Today I realized something that I’ve known for years, but have never really taken in: my favorite Neil Young albums were all recorded back to back. Not only that, they were recorded within a 5 year time span. It got me thinking of other songwriters/bands in that upper echelon who created 5 near perfect albums in succession (I know, it’s a strange criteria, but this is how my mind works). These are my top 5:

The Beatles
Beatles For Sale
Help!
Rubber Soul
Revolver
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

Bruce Springsteen
Born To Run
Darkness On The Edge of Town
The River
Nebraska
Born In The U.S.A.

Bob Dylan
The Times They Are A-Changin’
Another Side of Bob Dylan
Bringing It All Back Home
Highway 61 Revisited
Blonde On Blonde

Elvis Costello
My Aim Is True
This Year’s Model
Armed Forces
Get Happy!!
Trust

Neil Young
After The Goldrush
Harvest
On The Beach
Tonight’s The Night
Zuma

OK, music nerds, make your lists. They must be five near perfect albums released in back to back to back to back to back order. You don’t get to list Radiohead and skip over Amnesiac. Live albums can be excluded or included. EPs and rarities albums as well. However, if an album was studio recorded and available to the general public, it cannot be skipped over, your list must be 5 albums in succession and must be limited to the best 5 (of course John Wesley Harding is an amazing album, but not, in my opinion, as amazing as The Times They Are A-Changin’). Go.

Self-Confidence

"I define comfort as self-acceptance. When we finally learn that self-care begins and ends with ourselves, we no longer demand sustenance and happiness from others."

I should begin by saying that I might be taking this quote out of context. I came across it while surfing the intertron. I should also say that I get the point that we aren't meant to be co-dependent and devalue ourselves.

But I still feel that this is so often the place where the self-help industry and Christianity part ways. Because I am dependent (see previous blog). Self-care doesn't begin or end with me. One of the many reasons I follow Christ is because I can't take care of myself. Or, as Dylan put it, "we're idiots babe, it's a wonder we can even feed ourselves."

This isn't meant to be a shot at the self-help industry, but at the "self"ness it can often produce. I'm not self-confident. My confidence is in Christ at work in me. That doesn't make me fearful and anxious, in fact, it does just the opposite. I'm not trying to be all I can be. I tried it. It sucked. Now I'm just trying to let God work in me, to let His Spirit produce good fruit through me.

I'm not denying free will, I'm not advocating dependency in the mentally unhealthy sense. But I'm also not advocating the idea that the best thing I can be is myself. I don't think that's true. And I get up everyday praying that God will make me less like myself and more like His Son.

Storm Front Coming

"Suddenly all is good cheer. Whatever troubled him is gone now...All gone. This is a feature of his outlook I have not expected. He can forget and be happy - a real strength. A good meal is waiting somewhere. A TV game. A beer. Clear sailing beyond the squall-line of life. It isn't so bad, when you don't think of it." -from Richard Ford's The Sportswriter

There are few things sadder to me than our attempts to ignore what confuses us, makes us anxious, what we don't understand, what we fear. Whether it is death or God or the future or consequence, whatever we might not want to think about or face; it is made all the worse by our unwillingness to face it. And, worse than that, the way we "amuse ourselves to death" in the hopes that whatever it is that's out there might just go away. But ignoring the squall doesn't bring clear sailing, it just increases your chances of drowning when it comes. Certainly, we can go the other extreme and fret about futures we cannot control, but that doesn't excuse our trying to fill every moment with another distraction. Good for us if we can live in the moments we're given and enjoy every sandwich, but pity us if we redefine ourselves from moment to moment, filling up the seconds with meaningless whims, with whatever shiny thing captures our attention at that small space in time. Let's instead choose to do the hard work of being thoughtful in all its forms, developing the character that steadies us for rougher storms ahead.

" Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ."

Friendship's Realest Measure

"What's friendship's realest measure? I'll tell you. The amount of precious time you'll squander on someone else's calamities." -from Richard Ford's The Sportswriter

A Prayer and Blessing

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart. May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people, so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace. May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer from pain, rejection, starvation, and war, so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain to joy. And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in this world, so that you can do what others claim cannot be done.

Celebrate Your Dependence

BE INDEPENDENT

It sits there, in bold typeface, across the front of my red t-shirt. It's a clever play on words, encouraging those who live in Austin to support local, independent businesses. Since I work at such a business (and am a fan of local business, in general), I wear this shirt proudly.

I also like the other side of its double meaning; break out, think, do your own thing, don't be owned by "the man".

But I'm also struck, every time I put it on (and this just shows I think too much) about how much this shirt ISN'T me, or, at least, isn't who I want to be.

I am never more struck by this than on days like Independence Day. Because I'm reminded that I live in a society that values independence above anything.

And, as a Christian, I'm an advocate of dependence. I'm a believer in "trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." I've experienced the truth of "a cord of three strands is not easily broken." I'm defined by being "built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone." I am, in fact, owned by "the Man", and am grateful for it. And one of the eternal truths I declare by being baptized into the Body of Christ is this...I cannot do this alone.

So, last night, I gathered with a group of friends from Immanuel and BookPeople and other connections around Austin, I gathered with my parents and with my sister, I gathered with my wife and with my son, and I looked around and was reminded that I cannot do this alone.

Last night I looked up into the sky to watch fireworks and was struck by the display of clouds and sun going on behind it, the beauty and majesty of all that God has created and was reminded that I cannot do this alone.

Last night I gathered in the presence of God and humanity and nature and thanked God for my relationship with each.

Last night I celebrated my dependence.

A New Model

So, while I like to use this blog to talk about life and faith and church, I don't often use it to write specifically about church planting; mostly because I assume that the actual act of church planting might be interesting only to those who are church planters or hope to be.

However, the experiences and conversations over the past few weeks connect to church and faith and life enough to put them down here.

First off, a few weeks ago, I got a coach. His name is Glenn, he's a really nice guy who will tell you when you're about to really get something wrong (or how to fix it when you already have). I like these kind of people very much. Glenn was church planting when church planting wasn't cool, so his willingness to coach me is a God blessing.

A church planting coach is just what it sounds like, someone who has done this before, is still doing it, is passionate about doing it, and can show someone else how to do it. So, a few weeks back, Glenn I sit down and he says "you know, they call where you are 'the church planters' graveyard'?"

This, of course, excited me to no end. I love to hear that those who have gone before me have died doing this. He went on to say that I probably find it fairly frustrating to read church planting books with chapter headings titled "Creating The Perfectly Authentic Worship Experience", given what I had already shared with him about what it was we were up to with our approach to being the church. I agreed that, yes, I did find this frustrating. Then he smiled and said, "that's OK. The problem is that you're a part of creating a new model. No one in church growth is really doing this. It's sort of like building an electric car."

Now, to someone a little more daring, this would sound exciting. But I don't really have the personality to "boldly go where no man has gone before." I like having a working model that's been road tested a bit. For me, this is just scary.

But where, 2 years ago, fear would have gone right past giving me pause and stopped me dead in my tracks, faith has me pushing forward in the midst of fear. Believing that the one I follow really did walk on water makes it easier to go out into the deep end a bit.

Faith is a big part of this, but a community of faith is a big part of that. Walking and working alongside folks who aren't seasoned professionals, but are willing to tread out with me has been, and continues to be, an amazing adventure. As we say at Immanuel "we don't promise an easy journey...just people to walk it with you."

So, today I thank God for this opportunity. I thank God for those over the many of thousands of years who have done far crazier things out of a desire to follow God's lead. I thank God for being present in the process, through His Spirit, His Word, and His church. I thank God for a wife who said "sounds good to me" when I first started talking about this. I thank God that my son might grow up knowing the version of me willing to take risks as a sign of faith and not the version who used to talk more than he walked.

And I thank God for making life an endless and interesting conversation. For the things I'm learning and the things I have yet to learn. For the mistakes and the challenges and the unknowns. I'm getting used to the unknowns. I'm getting to like them. And I thank God for that too.

The Year of Living Biblically (Month 2/Chapter 2)

A few things happen as AJ Jacobs continues his journey into month 2 of a "living Biblically" year. He begins to learn to blow a shofar (funny to me for two reasons, my dad owns his own shofar and the popularity of a fairly awful series of Christian romance fiction which features "And The Shofar Blew" as one of its titles). He deals with the rather awkward (but exceedingly humorous) experience of avoiding his "unclean" wife during her period. He begins a Most-Violated list of laws he has broken (lying, vanity, gossip, coveting, anger...) that makes me, once again, keenly aware of how little attention I oay to my own sin. He visits a creationist museum and treats it with a respect that I found disarming (I was with his Christian friend who told him, "those people give Christianity a bad name.")

But the most memorable and moving part of the second chapter are AJ's initial attempts at prayer. Once again, for someone who doesn't come at this from a background of faith, Jacobs approaches the act of prayer with respect and even reverence. Hesitant to go out on his own, he borrows prayers from the Biblical text (not a bad practice for those of us who have been at this for awhile). By strange happenstance, AJ grabs ahold of one of my favorite prayers in the Bible:

O God, you are my God, I seek you,
my soul thirsts for you,
my flesh faints for you, as in a dry and weary land which has no water.
I have seen you in the sanctuary,
beholding your power and glory.
Because your steadfast love is better than life,
my lips will praise you.

Where Jacobs struggles is with sensing the presence of God. He struggles with distractions. He struggles with frustration and boredom. He wonders why the God who wrestles with Jacob doesn't make Himself a bit more obvious.

And, once again, he speaks to struggles and frustrations that I have as a person of faith. I often wonder why God doesn't seem to answer my prayers in clear and dramatic ways. I often feel like I am just talking to myself when I pray. I have had times when my prayers for guidance were answered in immediate and life changing ways, but this just causes me to wonder why they aren't always answered that way.

On a personal note, unrelated to the book, I have found it helpful to discover, just this past year, how important it is to remember that prayer is less about trying to get God to pay attention to us, and more about us paying attention to Him.

Still, I am curious about the experiences of people of various faiths and of no faith and what your experience with prayer has been. Which brings us to discussion part two.

Reading More Than Listening To

Reading...

The Forgotten Ways by Alan Hirsch. Hirsch seeks to remind us of some vital, ancient truths about what it means to be a follower of Jesus. Greatness.

Reservation Blues by Sherman Alexie. I've never read Alexie before, but I will be reading more. He is excellent. A less stream of consciousness but equally funny and winsome Tom Robbins.

Vows by Peter Manseau. The true story of a priest, a nun, and their son as told by their son, Peter. Heartbreaking and moving.

History of Love by Nicole Krauss. This is a haunting, mysterious, and enchanting book that spans over 60 years and three different narrarative voices. Excellent.

By the way, if you are looking for more about what I am currently reading and have enjoyed reading in the past, check out the Kester's GoodReads link on the left side of this page.


Listening to...

nothing new. I've been listening to a lot of Elliott Smith lately, and remembering what a genius that guy was.

Oh, and I'm really digging the new White Stripes. Greatness.

The Year of Living Biblically

A quick note, before we get started. Happytheman suggested, in response to an earlier blog, that I present a book to be used in a sort of online book club format. AJ Jacobs' book The Year of Living Biblically is that book.


The Year of Living Biblically is just what it sounds like, a memoir recounting Jacobs’s effort to “live the bible” for 12 months. After establishing certain ground rules concerning legality and literalism (when is a tower just a tower and when is it a metaphor for big breasts?), Jacobs sets out to adhere to everything from the Big 10 (Do not lie, kill, etc.) to the more obscure (Do not wear clothes of wool and linen woven together).

A premise like that is a perfect setup for irreverant mockery, especially when you consider that Jacobs doesn't begin the project with any personal history of reverance for the Bible.

But it doesn't go that way. That isn't to say that the book isn't funny (it absolutely is) or that Jacobs takes his project too seriously (he doesn't), but he does take it seriously. He wrestles with it in a way that I, as a pastor, often forget to. He tries it on and walks around in it, and he realizes that, in doing so, he risks being changed by it.

As one of his friends suggests early in the project "You're dealing with explosive stuff. People a lot smarter than you have devoted their lives to this."

Jacobs writes in response:

He's right. And it scares me. I hate losing control. I like to be in command of everything.

It is Jacobs' transparency that makes this project so fascinating. He isn't trying to hide from his readers, even in his more uncomfortable moments.

He also isn't willing to let us true believers off the hook, us or our book. In perhaps one of my favorite sections of the entire book, Jacobs writes:

How can these ethically advanced rules and these bizarre decrees be found in the same
book? And not just the same book. Sometimes the same page. The prohibition against
mixing wool and linen comes right after the command to love your neighbor. It's not like
the Bible has a section called "And now for some Crazy Laws." They're all jumbled up like a
chopped salad.

So, here is what I have for Part One of my soon to be continuing series on The Year of Living Biblically. Hinduism, Buddhism, Islam, Confucianism, Christianity, Judaism, Agnosticism, or Atheism. Whatever your background or history with faith, here is my first book club question:

What is one of the teachings of the Bible that you find the most confounding?

My Beginning, The Beginning, and New Beginnings

Today is my 31st birthday. I approach it with a whole lot of hope and excitement. A lot of that has to do with the fact that 30 was one of the best years of my life. Much of what made it so fantastic are things that will continue to be true for 31.

I work part time in an amazing bookstore. My co-workers are some of my best friends, and everyday is one more opportunity to get to know them a little better. That, and I get a 35% discount on books. Greatness.

I work full time as a pastor for the Immanuel Austin Community. This church has been such a blessing to me life. Never has a group of people been such a consistent example to me of what it means to belong to a community of faith. I am more grateful for them than I can possibly say.

I continue to grow closer to my parents and siblings. The fact that most of us call Austin home has been a blessing. For many people, being this close to family would feel confining, but I find that we see each other just enough to continue to become better and better friends.

I am Harry's dad. Every day this kid gets funnier, more interesting, and all around more enjoyable. You never imagine, on the day your kid is born, that you could ever love them more and then, every day that passes, you do. I look forward to watching Harry turn 3 and maybe even bringing him a baby brother or sister.

I am Rachel's husband. Today we hung out together around Austin, held hands, shared memories, shared food, shared silence. All of it was a reminder of how great Rachel is. She's sexy and funny and smart and fiesty and gentle and kind. She defines the word partner. Years ago, a mentor of mine described marriage as a conversation, and I have found that to be an apt description. Rachel has certainly kept up her end of the conversation. Every day is one more opportunity to get to know her better.

I am a follower of Jesus and a child of God. As I reflect on my own beginning, I reflect on THE beginning. I recall the words of God who looked on His created humanity and called it "very good". I'm reminded of how quickly we fell short of "very good" and of how often I fall short of it.

And I am reminded that every day that we walk in the Way of Jesus is an opportunity to begin again, from the day we are born again and every day following. I am reminded that every day Jesus offers the invitation to take up a cross and follow him. And I am grateful for the opportunity to follow him, to serve him, and to become more like him.

I am thankful for beginnings and for the God who created them.

Reading and Listening

Reading...

The Abstinence Teacher by Tom Perrotta. The author of Election and Little Children returns with a book just as rich, funny, and poignant as those two. The story of a sex ed teacher forced to teach an abstinence only curriculum and the Christian soccer coach whom she forms an initially wary friendship with. Excellent stuff. None of these characters are caricatures, even those that lend themselves to it.

Evangelism Without Additives by Jim Henderson. The co-author of last week's Jim & Casper Go To Church writes a book about how sharing the gospel is about sharing the good news of Jesus within your own story and less about a sales pitch you force down someone's throat. It's about friendship without agenda, except that of mutual respect and caring. Good stuff.

The Year of Living Biblically by AJ Jacobs. His last book, The Know-It-All, tracked his trek through the encyclopedia, and served up stories both humorous and heartfelt. He counts Jon Stewart among his fans and is an editor for Esquire. In this most recent book Jacobs, never having associated with a specific faith or belief system, attempts (with the guidance of a few theologians) to follow the Bible as literally as possible for a year. Excellent stuff.


Listening to...

I'm mostly allowing stuff from previous weeks to sink in a bit deeper. Wilco, Danielson, Half-Handed Cloud, Rock Plaza Central, The Singing Mechanic, Andrew Bird, Ola Pordida, and so on.

Also rediscovered an amazing 60's psychedelic pop/rock band from Denton, TX called Green. If you're a fan of late Beatles or, even more so, The Zombies, be sure to pick this up...if you can find it.

Christ Haunted

I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned it before in my blog posts, but I host a book club at BookPeople on the last Monday of every month.

I mention this for a couple of reasons. First, to invite any of you Austinites who have ever wanted to be a part of an interesting and diverse book club group to come and join this one. We've gone from Phillip Roth to Cormac McCarthy to Margaret Atwood to Simon Winchester. It's always a ton of fun, some of the most fascinating conversation I have in any given month.

Secondly, because the topic of this last month's discussion is the basis for this blog.

Our selection for May was Flannery O'Connor's Wiseblood. It is a favorite of mine, one I've probably read 10 times, at least. O'Connor was almost as devout a southerner as she was a Christian and this combination made for some of the richest writing to come out of America in the 20th century.

Wiseblood's main character is a young man named Hazel Motes, who has decided to renounce his Christian upbringing and form the Church Without Christ. Motes is not simply an atheist, but one who stands in direct opposition to Christ, who believes the dead ought to stay dead, and resents this One who haunts and hunts him.

It is this "Jesus as stalker" that sparked most of the discussion at our book club. One of the members asked "How is it that an author who believes in a loving God would paint Him as such a predator?"

An excellent question. I guess it depends upon what your idea of love is. For O'Connor, the love of God isn't some weak and permissive thing, it is the love of one who will not give up His beloved without a fight.

In the hopes of offering up a helpful analogy, I described what my reaction would be if my wife tried to leave me. How I would hound her and pursue her and set up camp outside wherever she was staying. Unfortunately, I think I only succeeded in convincing my book club that I am a crazed lunatic and possessive husband.

What I meant to show was just how intense Christ's love for us is. As singer/songwriter Derek Webb once wrote of Jesus "some things I love easy, and some I love to death." O'Connor's description of the book and of Motes as "Christ-haunted" is apt.

It certainly isn't as pleasant a picture as the one we are often tempted to paint. The idea of God that most people prefer is one who expects nothing and allows for anything, when who reveals Himself to be is quite different. While we want a God who desires nothing from us but refuses to let us go, who we get is just the opposite. Christ does whatever he can to get us back, even if it means his own death, but he won't force us into following him against our will. He may hound us, but he will give us up if that is what we choose.

But not without a fight. He will throw those people and circumstances into our lives that scream out his presence, hoping that we won't deny it. He will get in our way and even cause us pain, if he knows it is what is best for us. He will die a humiliating death, if that's what it takes to save us.

That's what a loving God will do. Then the question becomes for us what it was for Hazel Motes, what will we do in return?

WWJK?

I have struggled for years with my stance on pacifism and whether it was practical or even Biblical, but I keep coming back to the fact that Jesus and his followers have plenty of reason to kill those who are out to kill them, and don't. Derek Webb (as he so often does) puts my thoughts into words better than I have been able to, on a track from his newest album that makes a case for pacifism. The final line says it all:

this may not work and I don’t guarantee that it will
but I’ve got no choice unless you tell me who Jesus would kill

Yeah. What he said.

Reading and Listening

Reading...

Yellow Jack by Josh Russell. A disturbing combination of Nabakov and Poe, Russell explores the seedy underbelly of New Orleans in the 1800s. Very well written.

Hobo by Eddy Joe Cotton. An autobiographical account of riding the rails from a Gen X hobo. Very funny and sad and raw and real.

The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood. A first time read for me, and our selection for book club in June. Intensely well written. I can't seem to put it down. For fans of George Orwell. Not for fans of the Moral Majority.

Jim & Casper Go To Church by Jim Henderson and Matt Casper. Pastor Jim Henderson and his atheist friend, Matt Casper, visit churches together and discuss where these churches are succeeding or failing at being true representatives of the Body of Christ. Very readable. Lots of fun. Incredibly insightful.


Listening to...

So Real by Jeff Buckley. I'm not usually a fan of greatest hits collections, but this one succeeds on two counts. 1) Buckley didn't have much of a catalogue to work with, so trying to span an entire career wasn't as difficult. 2) Some version of every track of his defining work, Grace, is featured on this collection. Unless you simply must own every song Buckley ever recorded, this really should be enough.

Ships by Danielson. Daniel Smith's solo recording persona pulls off his best work to date. Joyful and strange, Spirited and jarring. Smith's work as Danielson, Brother Danielson, or with The Danielson Famile is always uplifting and rewarding. I can't stop listening to track four "Did I Step On Your Trumpet?"

All This Could Kill You by Ben + Vesper. Recorded under Daniel Smith's Sounds Familyre label, Ben + Vesper are just as whimsical, but calmer and drier. The vocal stylings of early Leonard Cohen or Nick Drake.

Strange Weirdos by Loudon Wainwright III. Songs contributed to, created for, or inspired by the Judd Apatow film Knocked Up. That may not be a big sell for all of you, but this works the same way that Aimee Mann and PT Anderson did on Magnolia. Even if you didn't enjoy the film, the songs stand alone as career highlights.

Sky Blue Sky by Wilco. You can't visit my house without being made to listen to, at least, one track from this album. I was initially unimpressed with the pre-release copy I received, but this album is fantastic. An incredible mix of influences ranging from Steely Dan to Television. "Impossible Germany" may become my favorite Wilco song ever, and this album is certainly in the running for one of my favorites of their career.

5 Months/Top 5

So, we're almost half way through 2007, and there have already been some serious contenders for album of the year. With excellent releases by Wilco, The Shins, Bill Callahan, Rosie Thomas, Half-Handed Cloud, Andrew Bird, Bright Eyes, Ted Leo, and The Apples In Stereo; it has already been an incredible year for music. However, if I had to pick half of my top 10 contenders for the first half of 2007, I'd pick...

5. Elliott Smith/New Moon. Had this collection of rarities and covers been released as two posthumous solo discs, they'd have been two of the best of his career. Nothing about this collection feels scattered. The brilliance isn't simply in the song, but in the way they hang together as a collection of songs.

4. The Good, The Bad, and The Queen/The Good, The Bad, and The Queen. This eponymous debut is a joining together of artists from Blur, The Clash, Africa 70 and more and is produced by Danger Mouse. It is as amazing a collaboration as you would expect. As brilliant as anything Damon Albarn has ever been a part of.

3. The Arcade Fire/Neon Bible. It was going to take a lot to top their debut, Funeral, and I'm not sure I could say they did. However, the fact that I'm also not sure they didn't should tell you something. It manages to be all you would hope for from The Arcade Fire without just being more of the same.

2. Ola Podrida/Ola Podrida. This band should tour with the Undertow Orchestra. They remind me of American Music Club, Pedro the Lion, and Will Johnson. The guitar hints at Iron & Wine or Sufjan Stevens, the musicality and vocals of Will Oldham. I'm forced to name drop other bands and artists, simply because I can't seem to nail these guys down. It's what happens when folksy hangs out at the bar too long, but in a good way.

1. Rock Plaza Central/Are We Not Horses? The most obvious comparison is to Neutral Milk Hotel, followed closely by Palace Music. Again, both comparisons fail to capture the full spirit of this band. The album is high concept and strange, the songs move from folksy to epic, the overall feel is of train whistles and tent revivals.

Craziness and Catching Up

Mark the last two weeks as two of the most trying of the past two years. Really and truly. I have been a wreck. If ever anyone needed a vacation, it is Rachel and I. Those of you who pray, we'd certainly appreciate the prayers.


But things are looking up and I am catching up. This post will serve as my Reading and Listening for this week.

Reading...

Dead Souls by Gogol. Still amazing.

Yellow Jack by Josh Russell. Caleb Carr meets Flannery O'Connor meets Poe and Nabakov. How's that for intriguing. A fine piece of historical fiction, centered on New Orleans in the 1800s.

Hobo by Eddie Joe Cotton. The memoir of an honest to goodness real life 21st century hobo. Up there with You Can't Win by Jack Black (the rail rider, not the actor).

Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad. Unreal. Unnerving. Unapologetic.


Listening to...

Today! by Mississippi John Hurt. This was a good week for the blues.

New Moon by Elliott Smith. A 2 disc collection of rarities that could easily have been released as two separate and complete posthumous albums.

"What In The Hell Are You Doing?"

That's the question that "Man In Bathroom" asks in the Jim Carrey flick, "Liar, Liar". It's his only line, and he asks it in response to watching Jim Carrey's character beat himself up in a public restroom.

When Carrey does it, it's amusing, but when the church does it, it just looks stupid.

Right before he was arrested, Jesus took time to pray for those who would become the church. He prayed that "they may all be one." He prayed for unity among them, for love among them "so that the world may believe". Jesus prays that his people, his followers, his church, those that he would call his body, would be unified, as an example of Jesus unity with God and with us.

So, when we are not, when we fight among ourselves, when we preach love and hate the guy that shares the pew with us, the world looks on in horror.

Like "Man In Bathroom". And their question is the same; "what in the hell are you doing?" Because it looks like hell. Because it is.

As followers of Jesus, we aren't commanded to look alike, dress alike, or even always think alike or act alike. But we are called to agree and disagree in love, as brothers and sisters. They will know we are Christians by our love. They will know Jesus is real, because his body will testify to that fact. But the body can't be Christ revealed unless it honors Christ as the head. Unless it behaves as he would behave and functions in sync with his will. We can only be pictures of Jesus when we live as he lived. Then we can bring a glimpse of heaven on earth, instead of a glimpse of hell.

Reading and Listening

Reading...

Winesburg, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson. Excellent book. Broken up as short vinettes about various people living in the same small town. The characters are richly colored, even as they are simply drawn. They are grotesque, even as they are banal and benign and brave. They are us.

Wise Blood by Flannery O'Connor. This month's BookPeople book club pick and one of my favorite novels of the 20th century. Speaking of grotesque. O'Connor writes freaks from a foundation of faith, and treats them with the humor, love, and frankness they deserve.

No Perfect People Allowed by John Burke. A book by a seasoned church planter, living here in Austin. It's nice to learn from someone who has been there.

Tomorrow by Graham Swift. Isn't out in stores yet. Not as good as Waterland (his best) or Last Orders, but better than all the rest. Start here and you won't be disappointed, and you'll still have someplace else to go. Written as a letter from a mother to her children, revealing to them a 16 year family secret. Swift does family secrets better than anyone writing today.


Listening to...

Preludes by Warren Zevon. Posthumous release of unreleased material. Includes recorded interviews by Austin's own Jody Denberg. A must for any Zevon fan.

North Pole by The Primary 5. Teenage Fanclub's drummer's own pet project. Imagine Fanclub if they had listened to less Big Star and more Byrds. Pure pop. Great stuff.

There's No Home by Jana Hunter. Jolie Holland doing freak folk instead of straight folk/blues. If Jolie Holland was a man.

Still wearing out Rock Plaza Central. I really can't say enough about it. If you love Will Oldham and Neutral Milk Hotel and still don't own this...well, shame on you.

Preacher or Pastor?

I spent years of my life being one of the biggest jerks you could ever meet. I had a talent for, within minutes of meeting someone, finding a weakness or soft spot that I might exploit if I ever needed to put that person in their place or enhance my own status in their company. I was known for my sense of humor, though really my sense was all off, my humor was biting and mean-spirited and those that laughed either laughed out of their own meanness or with a nervousness that tried not to be too conspicuous.

And all I wanted to be when I got older was a preacher. I thought of myself as one of the "good ones" and thought I'd take pretty well to spending Sundays reminding people just how far they'd fallen. I imagined myself a fiery prophet, eager to "drop the hammer" at any and every opportunity.

In college, this aspect of my personality cooled off somewhat, but certainly didn't fade away. I learned that overt meanness wasn't as acceptable and some amount of tact was called for. Still, I held fast to my "holier than thou" attitude and voiced my opinion strongly, whether it was asked for or not.

And then the bottom fell out. It didn't happen on any given day or week, but I began to look in the mirror and get sick of myself. Sick of the cynicism and anger and self-righteousness. Along with that I became sick of the church and even sick of God.

I stopped going to church, even as I continued to pursue my theology degree. I was "fortunate" enough to be a part of a church that was large enough not to notice my absence. I was gone for almost a year. I was looking at changing my degree. I wasn't sure I still had faith.

And then, slowly but surely, God begin stripping away my cynicism and anger and self-righteousness. Christ began to destroy the old me and to bring a new one to life. Jesus, who had claimed me at the age of 13, wasn't letting me go without a fight.

And I eventually gave in. Gave in and was willing to become whoever it was that Christ needed me to be.

In the last chapter of the gospel of John, Jesus shares breakfast with his disciples, the same disciples who fled when he was arrested and crucified. As they eat together, he addresses Peter, the disciple who denied knowing Jesus on the very day that Jesus died.

Jesus has a question for Peter. "Peter, do you love me?"

Peter answers that he does and Jesus responds by saying, "Feed my sheep."

Jesus asks the question three times, Peter responds in kind three times, and three times Jesus comissions Peter to care for Jesus' sheep. To care for all people, who were created to be followers of Jesus, created for relationship with The Good Shepherd. Christ calls Peter to serve as a sort of assistant shepherd, and to care for the sheep.

The word we use for this nowadays is pastor. A pastor is someone who is called to love those who still need to know Jesus and to tend to those who already do. To nurture and care for all people, since all people were created to be followers of Christ.

I never wanted to be a pastor. I wanted to be a preacher. But when Christ became my Savior, he also became my Lord. When he called me to follow him, he comissioned me to feed his sheep. He commanded me to love people and hurt with people and listen to people and share with people. To try and offer them direction and keep them on track.

It wasn't a job I ever wanted, but it's one I thank him for. It's not a job I'm at all qualified to do, except for his working in me.

In the movie Pulp Fiction, Jules Winnfield is a mob hitman who experiences a moment of divine intervention in his life. The moment causes him to reflect on his life and his work and on a passage he always quotes from Ezekiel 25:17. In the final moments of the film, Jules shares his thoughts with a two bit crook who has just attempted to rob Jules and whose life Jules has decided to spare.

"Now I'm thinking it could mean you're the evil man, and I'm the righteous man. And Mr. 9mm here is the shepherd, protecting me. Or maybe it means that you're the righteous man, and I'm the shepherd, and it's the world that's evil and selfish. Now I'd like that, but you see, that ain't the truth. The truth is, you're the weak, and I'm the tyranny of evil men. But I'm trying, I'm trying real hard, to be the shepherd."

On any given day any one of us risks being the tyranny of evil men. The line between good and evil is drawn right down the center of the human heart. But in Christ we are called and through Christ we are empowered to show love, to offer help, to give direction, to provide protection to any and everyone we come into contact with. It isn't in us to be the shepherd, and so we must be in him.