The church is homophobic.
This may be THE hot issue of the six listed. Given that, I will promise to proceed carefully and thoughtfully, and you will promise to give me the benefit of the doubt in any areas that might be confusing.
First, a definition of “homophobic”. Webster’s defines homophobic as “prejudiced against homosexual people.”
By that definition, I would say that both Jesus Christ and biblical teaching are opposed to prejudice against any group of people. So, there’s a few directions that takes us.
First, an acknowledgement that the church, in small and large part (given the time and place in history), has not always followed Jesus Christ and biblical teaching. The Crusades are an excellent example of something the church got behind that I feel confident in saying Jesus would not have.
What that means is that members of the church (Christians) have harbored (and do harbor) prejudices against people based on ethnicity, religion, etc. This doesn’t mean that they should (in fact, as I’ve just stated, I believe Jesus teaches that they shouldn’t), but that they do.
Second, a realization that the concern in the statement “the church is homophobic” isn’t simply about certain members who might be, but that all members might be required to be. In other words, people may feel that they need to stay away from the church, because the teachings of the church and of the Bible are homophobic.
This is not true. Many churches understand that they are meant to show Jesus’ love to everyone, and live according to that understanding.
Here’s where this gets tricky. Many churches and many Christians (myself included) would make a distinction between a homosexual preference and homosexual activity.
I can already feel this breaking down as I write it, and it makes me want to stop. Instead, we trudge forward and give each other some grace.
I don’t mean to speak in terms that sound detached or cold, but this needs to be nuanced in order to be understood. Stanley Hauerwas once stated that “no normal person can be heterosexual or homosexual for more than 3 or 4 hours a week and still hold down a job.” His point was that our sexuality isn’t meant to define us so completely. I am much more often a husband and a father and an employee and so on, than I am a heterosexual. The conversation can get (and has gotten) confusing when we make our identity about our sexuality.
This is not to say that we are meant to be Gnostics or that sex is bad or that God only created it so that we’d go through the rather dreary work of making babies. If you’ll note a previous blog post of mine, you’ll find that I think sex is rather fantastic, all the more so because I am a Christian. What I am saying is that, practically speaking, sex is about action more than it is about overall identity.
This is important to note, because of a rather unpopular Biblical teaching, that homosexual practice is a sin.
A few things, before we go any further.
1) Not all Christians believe that homosexual practice is a sin or that the Bible teaches that it is. See my former blog for more on the difficulties of Biblical translation.
2) I am one of those Christians who does believe the Bible teaches that homosexual practice is a sin.
3) Many Christians make homosexual practice into a greater sin than greed or pride or even pre-marital or extra-marital heterosexual practice.
4) I am not one of those Christians.
5) Too many Christians make their beliefs about homosexual practice into a prejudice and hatred toward homosexual people.
6) I am not one of those Christians, and believe that hatred toward any people is a sin. If we were ranking sins, I’d certainly rank hate a bigger sin than homosexual practice.
What Jesus did teach (though not using this phrasing exactly) was to “love the sinner and hate the sin.” I hate the sin of lying, but I don’t hate liars. I hate the sin of pride, but I don’t hate the prideful. I hate the sin of greed, but I don’t hate the greedy. I hate sexual sin, but I don't hate those who engage in it.
But too often, too many Christians find that they’d rather not parse that out. So they just hate it all, the sinner and the sin. They carry signs at funerals that read “God hates fags.” Nothing could be less Christian, nothing could be less like Jesus. If you’re wondering “what would Jesus do” that isn’t it.
Some would (and will and do) say that simply naming homosexual practice as a sin IS an act of prejudice and hate, that you can’t love the sinner and hate the sin, because calling this sin IS an act of hate.
Obviously, I don’t agree. And I hope those who know me know that I don’t hate homosexuals. That’s all I’m going to say about that, not because it isn’t important, but because this isn’t meant to be a “but I have gay friends” defense. I do, and I hope they know I love them.
The fact is that the Bible does speak pretty clearly about this. There are other issues (see my next blog post on women in the church) where what the Bible seems to say and actually says can be different (not everyone would agree with me about that), but I don’t believe (after much careful study) that this is one of them (not everyone would agree with me about that either).
What I would say to those who say that the church is homophobic is this:
1) The church isn’t taught to show hatred toward any person. In doing so, they are not acting as the church
2) The church does believe the Bible is a story about who God is and what He is about, about what His desires are and how we can live in better relationship with Him
3) The Bible states clearly that our pursuit of sin makes our pursuit of God more difficult
4) The Bible states that homosexual practice is sin
5) Good, faithful, Christian people have read the same Bible and disagree with me on #4
6) Which means I could be wrong
I don’t say “I could be wrong” as a postmodern cop out or because I am shaky on my beliefs. But to approach an issue as hot as this with any humility is to understand that you could be wrong. To understand that we’ve been wrong before on slavery and on women and on racism. I don’t believe that this is the same, but I’m willing to hear from those who do. Because I could be wrong. And if I am, I don’t want to be.
I hope this sheds some light on a hot topic. Our churches are meant to be places where people can feel a sense of belonging and security. Anyone made to feel less than that because of what they do (even if it is a sin) isn’t experiencing what the church ought to be. We may challenge each other and even call each other’s actions as sin, but we must do so in the same spirit of love that Jesus did. We must do so with a consistent approach to sin (not just sexual sin or homosexual sin) and a consistent love towards sinners (not just the sinners whose particular sin happens to be the same as ours).
When the teachers of the law brought to Jesus a woman who had committed adultery, he had two things to say to her; “I do not condemn you” and “go and sin no more”. He showed her love and called her out of sin. The church can do no less and no more.
6 comments:
Kes,
This clarification of your views on this topic was good for me to read and well-spoken. You're a very thoughtful and loving person and that certainly comes across here.
Obviously this isn't a topic we're likely to agree on anytime soon, but I do have a question for you.
I guess I'm wondering about the practical application of your tone here... What do you think the 'solution' for homosexuality is? I can imagine a couple options based on the views you state here, both of which strike me as problematic. Either (a) You don't believe people are 'born' gay and believe that gay people can change their preferences and be in happy heterosexual relationships or (b) you believe anyone who has homosexual tendencies should remain celibate for life.
Option A seems to condescend to the gay people you count as friends, and it also seems to me to have been the cause of a lot of pain when 'reforming' homosexuality doesn't actually work. Option B seems, well, cruel, considering your earlier post about the joys of sex (in the context of a committed, permanent relationship.)
Wow.
I'm really glad that you responded to this.
First, because it helps me know that my friends who don't agree with me on this aren't going to stop speaking to me as a result.
Second, because it helps get at the heart of the 2 most problematic aspects of this entire discussion. So...
(a) I think anything is possible with God. What I mean is that there have been people who testify to changing their preferences from homosexual to heterosexual as a result of prayer, counseling, and so on. At the same time, there have been plenty of homosexuals that this didn't happen for, and plenty of others who claim it has because they belief it should have and then discover it hasn't and are very disillusioned. There are some people who are cured of cancer as a result of prayer and some who pray and die of cancer. I don't know why this is. It's as simple as that. I don't know. I do not believe that people with strong faith get what they want and weaker faith don't. I just don't know. I don't want to discount those who claim miraculous transformation (as this would also be condescending), but I have found these cases to be rarer than those who have homosexual preferences whether they wish to or not. As to the "nature v. nurture" debate, I don't think it is a simple as one or the other. I think it is more one than the other depending upon the person. Again, I just don't know. Regardless, all of the Christians I know who have homosexual preferences have different thoughts on "nature v. nurture" and none of them have seen a change in their preferences. Which brings us to...
(b) those Christians I know who have homosexual preferences have come out on two sides of this. 1) they disagree with me as to what the Bible says, most of them believing that the original text was referencing male prostitution and not homosexuality as we define it today. 2) they are celibate, or struggle to remain celibate.
Perhaps the most difficult aspect of all this, for me, is what you stated yourself, that to ask this of someone is cruel, especially when you have experienced the joys of sex yourself. I struggle with this a lot. It helps some to know heterosexual friends who aren't married who have also had to remain celibate. It helps that I was celibate until marriage and would have remained celibate had I not married (or would have sought to remain celibate, I may have failed at this). My point is not to compare my celibacy that lasted until 22, to someone's who might have to last a lifetime. My point is that I never thought that this being asked of me was cruel. Difficult, yes, but not cruel. I never thought "God, why did you create me with desires and then not allow me to act on them." I knew that some of my desires were created for a certain context (sex and marriage) and that others were simply not good for me (a desire to punch someone in the face) and shouldn't be acted upon.
Ultimately, it doesn't seem cruel because any sacrifice any of us might be called to make pales in comparison to the one that Christ made for us. I know that may sound pat or trite, but I hope you know it isn't. I haven't had to sacrifice sex for the sake of following Christ, but I've had to sacrifice. I don't sacrifice enough. And any sacrifice I might be called to make would be worth it to follow Jesus.
I hope that makes some sense. I'm glad you posted. I hope you'll continue to push and prod me if you think my answers aren't well thought out or well articulated. The last thing I want to do is offer up easy answers to difficult questions.
Thanks again.
Kes --
Of course I'm not going to stop speaking with you! I know that you practice many of my favorite aspects of Christianity and that no matter how you feel God may judge certain actions as sin/wrong, you don't make the terrible (and un-Christian) mistake of hating the sinner themselves. I really appreciate that about you and it means that I think we'll always be cool. :)
That said... I have some rather complex thoughts on nature vs. nurture and homosexual behavior in general myself, so I don't mean to imply that I think all people with homosexual feelings were born that way and will absolutely never ever feel differently. I've seen a wide range of experiences and preferences and transformations...
But I do think that the phenomenon of an outside influence (like a church) trying to "reform" homosexuality in someone who has very clear homosexual preferences is about as far-fetched as if I tried to convince you to be romantically in love with Seth.
I also understand what you're saying about sacrifice. I don't relate to it, but I understand it.
My essential problem with this explanation is that even if I accept the idea that no sacrifice is too much to ask, it seems like you're asking a lot, relative to your expectations of other Christians. I don't think that a lifelong romantic commitment is realistic without sex being some part of it. So you're not just denying people sex, you're also denying them love and partnership, which seems like one of the most intense sacrifices you could ask someone, even a Christian, to make -- and you're asking it of ALL people who have exclusively homosexual preferences. That seems, well, unfair.
I'm not familiar enough with the biblical basis for homosexuality-as-sin to argue with it, but I do know there are plenty of small details in the bible that have been adjusted in modern doctirine to account for huge changes in our lifestyles anf families. I would hope that one of the church's goals in interpreting the bible would just be to remain true to the overriding spirit of love and forgiveness that the book represents.
I love you and your family very much and I hope this isn't overly harsh in any way... I just don't see the practical realities of this interpretation as reflective of 'real' Christianity the way I like to see it. The way I normally see you.
Love!
Summer-
Once again, I love your willingness to dialogue about this and appreciate your challenging thoughts.
I would agree that churches approach to “reform” has often been, at best, naïve and, at worst, inconsiderate and cruel. The idea that someone should just stop struggling with temptation, with thoughts and desires, is not always realistic.
I’ll share an example from my own life and struggles. For years (over a decade) I was involved in (and possibly even addicted to) pornography. I was content for it to be my little secret sin, until it started to overwhelm me and destroy my relationships with others and with God.
Once I began to confess it to friends within the church, reaction was mixed. Some were repulsed and horrified that I could be involved with something so disgusting. Others didn’t understand why I didn’t simply stop lusting and put it behind me. Still others couldn’t figure out what the big deal was. But the friends I needed were the ones who allowed me struggle, loved me in spite of my sin, and got involved in order to help me through this. It is something my friends do up to this day, including the members of the Immanuel church. They pray for me, and love me, provide a safe place for me to confess when I mess up, and call me to a higher standard.
I understand that this breaks down in that we’d probably agree that pornography is harmful and not that homosexual activity is, but I hope you get my point.
As far as the issue of sacrifice and fairness, I would say that it isn’t as unfair as it seems (or ought to be). All Christians have struggles with sins, and all are called not to act on them. Some have to not act on lust, some on anger, some on greed or pride or prejudice. The unfairness comes in that the church hasn’t always been as quick to ask people not to be greedy as they have in asking them not to have sex. But the answer is to call us all to a higher standard, not some of us to a lower one.
Also, I should say that, for all my comments on the joys of sex, I believe that joy is directly related to context. I think that sex was made for a loving marriage, and that the joy diminishes in a loveless marriage or outside of marriage. I believe the same about homosexual sex. I don’t think God calls certain behaviors “sin” arbitrarily. I think sin is defined by being less than His desire for us, less than what He knows is good for us. So, I might ask someone to make a sacrifice, but for their own good. I hope that doesn’t seem condescending. When I tell a person in the church that they should wait until they’re married to have sex, it’s because I know how much better what God desires is when we enjoy it as God desires. That gets back to “difficult” vs. “cruel”.
Finally, your comment about how the Bible adapts to the context of culture. It’s true that the eternal truths of the Bible are often principles that have to be applied to a specific context, which is why passages on slaves or women have been adapted over time not because we sacrifice Biblical integrity, but because we practice it (more on this in my upcoming blog on the roles of women and men). That is why I said that I am always studying this and wanting to learn more. As I said “I could be wrong and if I’m wrong, I don’t want to be.” That said, my understanding of the Bible’s take on homosexuality is consistent in any context. I continue to pray and discuss and try to discern. I don’t want to miss what it is God might be saying, but I don’t want to make Him say something He isn’t saying.
And that’s where I come out on any issue of belief, practice, life, sin, faith, etc. I believe that God knows best. That He is good and that He loves His creation. I believe that His desire for humanity is what is, ultimately, best for humanity. So I’m willing to ask of myself and of others whatever I think He is asking, because I believe it is what is best.
What a great conversation. I wish kind of thing happened more often among all of us. I know this is not an easy topic. I appreciate you talking about it. I really appreciated your humility in admitting that we can be wrong even when we think we are correct. It is great to be confidently open, but not in a way that seeks to prove your own conclusions or in a way that you are shifty on your convictions.
I appreciate you willingness to tackle such a big and important topic. You are a brave man.
(Though this comment may never be read...)
Amen randy. And sincere respect and love to summer anne and kester. Thank you for letting me eavesdrop openly.
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