I should begin by saying that I hesitate to even post this. People I care about who aren't Christians and who come to different conclusions than me are bound to disagree with me. I'm comfortable with that. Some may also feel harshly judged by it. Even unloved. I'm more than uncomfortable with that.
This is about sex. And sex is a touchy subject. The church's stance on sexual purity is seen as outdated and naive, at best, and puritanical and harsh, at worst. It has, unfortunately, too often been used as a way for those who have waited for marriage to feel superior to those who have not. And yet, as with all sin, I think that sexual impurity is more about God's best intentions for us and not about feeling a constant sense of superiority or shame.
When my dad talked with us about sex, he talked about super glue. He talked about what would happen if a man superglued his hand to a table and then had to go through the painful process of tearing it away. The fact that something of himself might get left behind.
God created sex to bond together two people who are already bonded in every other way. Sex works as a sort of spiritual adhesive, and so it makes sense to have sex with someone you wouldn't mind (or, better yet, have committed to) getting stuck with.
In Milan Kundera's book "The Unbearable Lightness of Being", Kundera postulates that our lives, our actions, and our decisions are "light" and insignificant and that we, as humans, find this "lightness" unbearable. I would be the first to agree that this "lightness" would be unbearable, but I would argue that there are other options.
Sex, like all of God's gifts (and let me take this opportunity to part ways with any Christian who would argue that sex is anything but fantastic), is substantive and substantial, it carries a weight that is less cumbersome and more concrete. To quote Marty McFly, "that's heavy."
This heaviness only dissipates when we imbue it with lightness, each time we give more of it away, it becomes lighter, lacks substance, and the result is unbearable.
Fortunately, God Himself carries with Him what the Bible describes as the "weight of glory". And the coming of His Son, Jesus, was about offering us this glory, placing it within each of us, so that our unbearable lightness might be weighted down and make us whole again.
If you've made it this far, you see this is about a whole lot more than sex. Sex is one way that we try to too often try to become a whole person, and the pursuit only makes us lighter. The same can be said of a whole lot of other, equally empty, pursuits and habits. This is about how light and casual we make our lives and actions and decisions and how weighted and meaningful God means for them to be.
I started with the subject of sex because I came across this article (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2092-2545852,00.html) and because I've been reading Lauren Winner's book "Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity" and because I see and know and love people who treat this lightly and then find it unbearable. Because I'd like for those people to not feel that way.
I'm not here to judge people, or to hold past mistakes against them. I'm not here to argue abstinence only legislation or to hold myself up as some shining example. I'm certainly not here to say that sex isn't fun and exciting. I'm saying that sex can be so much more than what we too often make it. It doesn't have to be casual, it doesn't have to be "light". It's not supposed to be.
2 comments:
it's interesting, because while my feelings on this subject are not based in religion at all, i definitely agree with you on most of this. in general, i find the lightness sex is treated with to be unbearable for me, even if it's not directly related to me. i'm not actually sure why i even feel this way, but it is something i find myself struggling with because it's hard to find anyone who agrees with me. and, yeah, it's not to say that sex has to be some heavy-handed, un-fun thing that needs to occur only with one person, only in marriage (because this is something i don't believe) but it is frustrating to me how inclined people are to believe that the act is almost entirely meaningless and meant to be done randomly and often and usually in hopes that it will have no real affect on your life at all.
i think the best argument my parents ever made as to why i should wait until i was married (and why they did) was simply that they had never had a negative sexual experience. even when it wasn't pure ecstasy, it was always safe and special and meaningful. they never had sex and wondered if they had made a mistake, doubted their partner, or felt awkward the next morning. the fact that doing it the right way made it better was a huge selling point for me. to not have a "i wish i could take that one back" sexual experience. it's nice.
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