Doubt

I have a co-worker and friend who is a former Christian and now atheist. From time to time we will engage in conversations on life/faith/etc. and I always enjoy his insights. One day he walked up to me out of the blue and said, "I'll tell you one thing I miss about Christianity...I miss the certainty."

Last week we gathered together to celebrate our certainty of the resurrection of Jesus Christ. We declared with those first followers of Jesus "it's true! He's risen!"

But following quickly on the heels of Christ's resurrection, we have the story of Thomas. Thomas, who has yet to see Jesus risen from the dead. Thomas who says, "I'll believe it when I see it" and goes so far as to demand proof.

When Jesus appears to Thomas, he doesn't shame Thomas, but simply offers Thomas his wounded hands as proof of his resurrection. Thomas proclaims "My Lord and my God!"

And Jesus says, "Blessed are those who do not see, but still believe."

It can be difficult to be one of those who do not see. Thomas is sometimes called the Twin, and he is certainly mine. I want to see. I want to touch the wounded hands. I want proof.

The recently released documentary "Jesus Camp" (a disturbing look at an evangelical Christian camp for 7-12 year olds) features a scene in which an 8 year old boy participates in a time of confession of "sin". I place sin in quotes, not because I don't believe in sin or the need to confess it, but because of what is deemed "sin" in this film.

The boy cries as he confesses his doubt. The adults that surround him allow him to squirm in his shame, simply for having moments when he isn't sure.

Jesus certainly doesn't shame us in those moments. When a father with a dying child cries out to Jesus "I believe, help my unbelief," Jesus marks it as an act of faith.

Bruce Springsteen once wrote the line "God have mercy on the man who doubts what he's sure of."

And God does.

Because our relationship with God is, in many ways, like many of our deepest relationships. Look at marriage as an example. No matter how confident you are in the relationship, you have those moments of doubt and uncertainty. The faithful thing is not to deny the doubt is there, but to address it together and move forward together.

Faith isn't always about certainty, it can be about moving forward in the face of uncertainty.

C.S. Lewis once wrote that “Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods.”

When a husband and wife come up against doubt, their act of faithfulness is to struggle through it together and not to abandon their promises because of changes in mood.

The same goes for our relationship to God.

So we test and prod and probe. Eventually we believe. And sometimes we still doubt. But move forward in faith.

This is why the church is so important. It is a place for us to live out this journey together, to be called to faith and to wrestle together with our questions and our doubt. To affirm the things we believe in those moments of unbelief.

One of the reasons I love to say the creed is that it is worded as a list of "we believe" statements. If they were "I believe" statements, there would be days when my mood would keep me from speaking. But even on the days when I don't believe, I can affirm that we do. And we're in this together.

The declaration itself is an act of faith, knowing that I will believe again.

One of the things we do is make room for doubt in the midst of belief, not a constant playing of devil’s advocate, but a faithful questioning. The prayer that says “I believe, help my unbelief.”

The story goes that the wise man builds his house upon the rock. The rock that is Jesus Christ. So that even in those moments of doubt, even when our footing seems unsure, our foundation is firm.