Mixtape

About a month ago, Rachel and I were doing some late spring cleaning and I stumbled across a box of old mixtapes, many of them unlabeled. An unlabeled mixtape, in my collection, means a project that was later discarded as misguided for some reason or another. So, I've been curious to give them a listen.

Today I stuck one in the car and knew within a couple of songs that this was an "I want you back" mix. Within four songs, I knew it was a "don't marry him, marry me" mix. And that could only mean one thing.

When I was 15 years old I met someone who, by 16, I was sure was "the one." By 17, she'd turned into "the one that wasn't going to work out" and, by 19, "the one that got away." 19 was when I heard that she was planning to get married and, even though we hadn't spoken in years, I went into a panic. I was convinced that my one chance at happiness was about to disappear. And so I planned my move. A bold move. It started with a mixtape.

The tape was a "we were meant to be" mix. My plan was to go to her, give her the tape, and ask her to listen. If I got that far, my follow up was to ask her to marry me.

I went to a mutual friend of ours to share my grand idea. Slowly, but surely, she talked me down and convinced me that I was more in love with an idea than a person and that the person would only be hurt and confused by my bold move, not filled with longing and a change of heart. And so, the mixtape went unfinished and the bold move went undone.

That's the mixtape I thought I had found. And it was pretty surreal. But then I got a few songs further in, one song in particular, and I knew this tape couldn't be that tape. Because this song was a different girl's song. And then I know which tape this was.

When I was 20, I began the first serious dating relationship I'd had in a couple of years. By 21, I knew she was the one. So sure, in fact, that I started shopping for an engagement ring. That is, until she broke it off with me. She had things she needed to think about and could tell this was getting serious and wanted to take the summer to consider all the implications of "until death do us part" before she made the vow. It was a rough summer. She was my best friend, so we talked almost every day. Talked about what she was up to and who she was hanging out with. A guy named Toby came up quite a bit. And I was worried.

One night, I panicked, and I started making a mixtape. A "we were meant to be" mixtape. But about halfway through it I realized that, if I really loved this girl, the most loving thing I could do was to let her have her space and take her time and do her thinking. Which I did.

A year later, we were married. We still are, 11 years after that. And I'm thinking it might be time to finish this mixtape. The first in a series of "we were meant to be" mixes. I think she might like that a lot.

So, you curious about the track listing? Go easy one me, I was sappy in love with a woman I thought was never coming back. Here goes.

Side A:
If I Only Had The Words –Billy Joel
When We Dance –Sting
Longer –Dan Fogelberg
You’re The Inspiration –Chicago
All About Soul –Billy Joel
Secret Garden –Bruce Springsteen
All I Want Is You –U2
Green Eyed Girl –Ted Hawkins (The song that could only be Rachel's)
Just The Way You Are –Billy Joel
All Four Seasons –Sting
Wildflowers –Tom Petty
I Love Everybody –Lyle Lovett
Right Down The Line –Gerry Rafferty

Side B: