The Healing of Habits

I've always thought that "ritual" was a silly critique and that "habit" gets a bad rap, particularly when it comes to faith. I understand that empty ritual and meaningless habits are to be avoided, but ritual doesn't equal empty and meaningless and habit and not necessarily synonymous.

That has been particularly true during these past 5 days. As someone who has committed to a communal way of life that includes daily prayer and reading of scripture, weekly worship and house church gatherings, and regular practices of hospitality and service, I have seen why that commitment is a blessing even when (maybe especially when) I'm not feeling up for it or into it. Many times this week I have found myself not wanting to pray or meditate on the Bible. I certainly didn't want to worship on Wednesday and am not feeling all that excited about house church on Sunday. And yet, Wednesday's worship was just what I needed* and my habit of prayer and meditation has been just what I needed to steady me as my emotions are in an almost constant state of flux.

All that to say, I can see, now more than ever, the benefit of doing something out of habit, simply because you know it to be a good thing and not because you necessarily feel like doing it. If our habits are godly habits, then they should not be viewed as burdens, but as potential for blessing.

*that said, I do wish it were someone else's job to preach and plan for a couple of weeks

The Sound of Silence

It's a strange feeling to want desperately to draw comfort from the presence of others and yet to want to sit in silence. I'm realizing just how important funerals are, for just that reason. I find myself wanting to gather my friends and family in a room together to sit in silence; to acknowledge with our silence that something is wrong that can't be fixed with words.

I'm Fine

My first day back to work since the miscarriage. It was rough, but good to be among friends that feel like family.

The hardest part was having to answer the question, "how are you?" With co-workers, I can be honest, and it was a blessing to be able to be. But, with customers, there's no appropriate way to be honest, so I just ended up saying, "I'm fine, and you?" Usually, this is an honest and heartfelt response, but today it felt empty and dull. It wore me out to have to keep it up. But how do you tell a stranger who's barely listening for a response that it's been a really rough week?

So, for those of you who read this blog, give someone a gift this week; ask them how they're doing and listen long enough and attentively enough to find out the answer. You have no idea how much it means.

Thanks to all of those at work for asking attentively. I'm blessed to have you in my life.

Life Goes On

Today has had its share of lighter moments. After which (and in the midst of) I find myself feeling bad about feeling better.

As my baby's life doesn't go on, it feels wrong and strange that mine should.

Life goes on. That's not usually something that I have mixed feelings about.

I feel like life should pause for awhile. Long enough for me to get into bed and not come out for awhile.

But there's people that need me to get out of bed. And that's a good thing, I guess.

Life goes on.

Sorry For Being Sad

Putting Harry to bed tonight, I told him that I was sorry for being so sad the past couple of days.


"Oh dad," he said, "you don't ever have to be sorry for being sad."


It was a good reminder. I am grateful for it.