A Lasting Impression

I was at a youth conference a few years back during which the main speaker made a reference that the church has long been familiar with. He spoke of the youth as the “future of the church.” A parent that was with me asked if I thought this was good news or bad news. My answer was yes.

For I am a true prophet, a man who has glimpsed both futures in the hearts and minds of our children, and there is bad news, and there is good news. And the bad news is this –the youth are the future of the church.

It isn’t their fault, really. Not yet. They are simply at the age which most studies reveal as one of the most impressionable. If they are going to pick something up and have it stick, it is most likely going to happen before they reach adulthood. Those same studies show that the group that leaves the greatest impression will be their parents and their peers. One way or another, they will pick up values from us, and what they are picking up isn’t necessarily good. You and I don’t always make the best impression.

The reason for this is that we are society increasingly impressed by the wrong things. We say that Jesus comes first, but it’s too often just something we say, not something we believe or put into practice. The things we are impressed by are good grades, a good school, a good degree, a good job, a good house, a good salary, and so on. We look at someone who has achieved those things and we are, in a word, impressed, and we pass on that impression. We show our children what is good.

Many of us think the problem is that Christians too often allow society to influence religion, instead of religion influencing society. The Christian response is to fight to get prayer back in public schools; it’s why many Christians rallied when a judge posted the Ten Commandments outside his courthouse. We see the importance of religion in the creation of good citizens.

But that is still part of our problem, I saw it when I taught at a private Christian school, many of us are still more concerned with creating good citizens of this country than of God’s kingdom. Even if we can see past of some of the trappings of success, our loftiest goals are to create solid citizens with a strong moral compass. These are the kids we are impressed with, the kids with good grades and good behavior.

Now, most of this would read this and wonder “why is that a bad thing?” What is wrong with wanting kids to get good marks for academics and behavior? Why is that too much? And that’s the problem; it isn’t too much, it’s too little. Our loftiest goal should never be to raise “good” kids, at least not good defined in those terms.

Not that you should stop being proud of these things. Not that we shouldn’t be proud of good grades, but we should hope our kids pursue them because they work for the Lord and not for men. We can still be proud of Harvard, but we should hope our kids are going in order to make a difference and not to make more money. And if they do end up making good money, we should hope that they will use it to further God’s kingdom and not to build impressive looking barns.

Even in the terms of morality, we shouldn’t settle for “good” kids. Of course we want out kids to wait until marriage, to be kind to others, to respect authority, but don’t we also want them to care about why? Its not that I think we’re shooting too high but too low. If our standard is good kids instead of godly kids, our future is in jeopardy. The devil is always suggesting that we compromise our calling by substituting what is good for what is best.

Two authors [Merton and Irene Strommen] studied parents of teenagers all across the US. They asked them to share their main concerns about their teens, and their relationship with them. They discovered that these parents shared five common concerns:



1.They longed to understand their teenage children, and they longed to be understood by them.

2.They longed for a close family.

3.They strongly desired outside help.

4.They truly wanted to see their teenagers live a highly moral life.

5.They longed for their teens to have a solid faith.



None of these are bad things; they are just in the wrong order. Number 5 should come first and should inform all the others. Without a solid faith, a genuine relationship with Christ, the close families, the understanding, even the moral life, are a waste of time. We don’t become Christians to have good families and good kids with good behavior. That may be an added benefit, but it is not our ultimate goal. Christ should make a greater impression than that. He should be someone that turns our world upside down and redefines priorities. It isn’t enough that Christ comes first on our list of priorities, he should be the one writing the list.

Robert Coles, an expert in children’s faith development, expresses strong opinions as to why this disconnect exists. In an interview with the magazine, U.S. Catholic he commented:



I think that what children in the United States desperately need is purpose, and a lot of our children here aren't getting that. They're getting parents who are very concerned about getting them into the right colleges, buying the best clothing for them, giving them an opportunity to live in neighborhoods where they'll lead fine and affluent lives and where they can be given the best toys, go on interesting vacations, and all sorts of things....

Parents work very hard these days; and they're acquiring things that they feel are important for their children. And yet vastly more important things are not happening. They're not spending time with their children, at least not very much.



One example that springs immediately to mind is one that will undoubtedly step on some toes, and that is in the arena of extra-curricular activities. I watch parents push their kids to be involved in sports. They make sure they’re at every practice, every meet. They wouldn’t think about allowing them to skip out of practice for church. They sign them up for private lessons, start them out young. They’re going to wrestling, or swimming, or soccer, or drama six days a week, an hour to two hours every day. This is a major investment of time and energy. Now, don’t misunderstand me. I’m all for activities, but when activities replace the priority of spiritual development, and becomes a higher priority than a kid’s walk with Christ, something is wrong.

Do we display the same level of intensity when it comes to spiritual formation? Just consider the basic foundation of worship on Sunday morning and Sunday school. How often does the family just ditch church, giving in to tired kids and simply letting them sleep in? If it were a wrestling match, or a soccer game, they would kick them out of bed, regardless of the whining, and make sure they were there. And, we’re just talking one day a week, not to mention mid-week opportunities for study. This is a critical area that Christians need to evaluate. We impress our priorities onto our youth. For better or for worse, our kids are becoming impressed with that which impresses us.

Now, that isn’t to say that some of them aren’t rebelling. If the most we are shooting for is good behavior, stability or success, our kids will see the futility of these pursuits and seek others. Sure, some will embrace the things that impress us and will simply pursue what they’ve been trained to pursue. Others will rebel against that emptiness and seek more immediate sources of fulfillment (alcohol, sex, drugs, etc) Now, I hope and pray that our kids don’t pursue these things because they can be very destructive, but they are, ultimately and eternally, no less fulfilling.

Don’t believe me? Ask someone who has attended the right schools, someone who got the degree, made the money, but doesn’t know Jesus. Ask a man like Chris Felder. Chris is one of the members at our church in North Carolina, and 10 years ago Chris was not a Christian. Still, Chris had all that we would call impressive, a degree from Yale, a law degree from Duke, a successful business, and so on. Chris’ life changed when he encountered someone upon whom Christ had made a lasting impression. He saw Jesus in them and he was impressed with what he saw. And that is why, when I look at Chris, I don’t see Yale or money or a booming business. I see Christ and him crucified.

According to research 68% of parents who attend churches express strong interest in “how to help my child develop as a follower of Jesus Christ.” 85% of parents believe that they have the primary responsibility for teaching their children about religion. Which brings us to the good news, and that is this: the youth are the future of the church.

No wonder Moses instructed the Israelites to talk about the Ten Commandments with their children when they got up in the morning, as they went about their daily routines, and as they went to bed at night. No wonder we were given this morning’s scripture as a command for our lives. It begins, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” We are to love God with every fiber of our being. God calls for our full devotion. He deserves our highest allegiance. A.W. Tozer puts it this way, “we are called to an everlasting preoccupation with God.” We are to long for Him more than anything else in life—more than work; more than money; and, more than our kids and our families. This love for God is an exclusive love. We are to give God first place in our lives. In the New Testament, Jesus reaffirmed the primacy of this command. The Pharisees, thinking they could trick Him into giving a wrong answer, asked Jesus which was the most important commandment in the Law of Moses. Jesus simply quoted verse five, and said afterwards, “This is the first and greatest of all the commands.” [Matt. 22:38]

Not only are we to love God with all of our being, we are to pass down this love from one generation to the next. Someone has said that the Christian faith is only one generation from dying out. This is true. Unless we pass on the faith to the next generation, it will die out. And to whom does God entrust this generational transmission? Whose job is it to pass down the faith from generation to generation? Verses 7–9:



7Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.



Sunday school class and Bible study in the home. What do these two things have in common? Not much. According to a recent study by the Barna Research Group, about two thirds of parents in the U.S. with children under the age of 13 attend church only once a month. The majority of those that attend don’t spend any time during a typical week discussing faith matters with their children.

Who teaches your children about God, Jesus, and the Bible? Ask yourself: when was the last conversation that you had with your child about who God is or what Jesus means for their life or read with them from the Bible? Relying on Sunday school classes, Bible camps, or even Christian school teachers to do the majority of Biblical training is a dangerous habit to fall into. My job is to back up what you have already taught. The Lord commands parents to teach their children to honor God. This is a person-to-person task that God entrusts to parents. The first and most impressions are made in the home.

That word “impress” is based on a Hebrew word for “sharpen” as in sharpening a knife. That is, you take a knife to the whetting stone to grind it, and sharpen it. Then you repeat that process, and repeat it, until the knife has a keen edge on it. Same is true with parents teaching children. It is a repeated process of continual teaching and training...morning, noon, and night. Parents shape the faith of their children, for good, or for bad. If your family is a Christ-centered family, your children will be strongly influenced to grow up as people of faith. It is to be done on a daily basis in the routines of everyday life: when you sit at home, when you walk along the road, and when you lie down and when you get up.

One elder of a Christian church has devoted himself to a fifty-year study of Christian and non-Christian families. He says that in American culture today, most young adults following Jesus Christ either come from non-Christian homes where they were converted to Christ in their teenage years through a dynamic youth ministry. Or they come from homes where they grew up in love with Jesus because mom and dad were so in love with Jesus that love permeated their lives. Very few believers come from homes where there was nominal church involvement but an indifferent and apathetic commitment to Christ.

This gets us into the “so what?” the nuts and bolts and practicalities of this. What does this look like? First, let me say that the answer is not to get prayer back into schools; it’s to get prayer back into homes. It is not to have the Ten Commandments posted outside our courthouses; it is to have them posted in our own houses. Faith begins at home. So ask yourself this question, does your family’s schedule reflect your family’s commitment?

If it doesn’t, then insist that your kids spend time with God the way you would with athletics. Insist that they study God’s Word they way you would want them to study for math. That doesn’t mean that we teach our kids to approach scripture with the same sense of boredom they might approach homework, but we should give it at least the same (and really a greater) sense of importance.

Make a family commitment to attending church on Sunday mornings together—worship and Sunday school. Make it a priority as a family.

If you took the excuses people use for not going to church and applied them to other important areas of life, you'd realize how inconsistent we can be in our logic. For example:



10 Reasons Not to Wash

1. I was forced to as a child.

2. People who make soap are only after your money.

3. I wash on special occasions like Christmas and Easter.

4. People who wash are hypocrites—they think they are cleaner than everyone else.

5. There are so many different kinds of soap; I can't decide which one is best.

6. I used to wash. It got boring, though, so I stopped.

7. None of my friends wash.

8. The bathroom is never warm enough in the winter or cool enough in the summer.

9. I'll start washing when I get older and dirtier.

10. I can't spare the time.



The excuses don’t make sense, so let’s stop making the excuses. Go to church. Read your Bible. Let your kids see you reading it and read it with them. Discuss essential truths with them. Pray together, and take turns leading in prayer.

I heard a story recently of a minister who looked in on a children’s Bible school class and saw their serious faces and asked, "Why do you love God?" After a moment a small voice came from the back: "I guess it just runs in the family." Ask yourself if the love of God runs in your family. Ask your kids too. Ask them to look around your life and tell you what they think you value. Remember that the things you do and the faith you pass on will leave a lasting impression on your kids and on your family. Remember that all of us, parents or not, are a part of the family of God and take responsibility for the youth as if they are your own family.

I’ll close with a story about someone in my own family, my Uncle Norman and my cousin Ryan. My cousin Ryan is an impressive athlete. As a junior in high school, he has led his football team to numerous victories over the last few years. My Uncle Norm recently recounted an encounter he had with his son, Ryan’s coach after a game. The coach said “I want to brag on your son a bit.” Norm knew what was coming; his son was a great athlete, he had a killer instinct, the team would be nowhere without him. So Norm was surprised when the coach said “Ryan is one of the kindest, gentlest, most encouraging people I have ever met.” My Uncle Norm said that he has never been prouder of his son. The image of Christ had made an impression on Ryan, and the impression Christ made on Ryan had gone on to make an impression on Ryan’s coach. The future church will be a group of people who pass on a lasting impression, but that will only happen if we have allowed Christ to make a lasting impression on us.