Yesterday, I wrote a letter to a fellow church planter about my reflections on church planting after a year at it. Some highlights:
First off, it's been hard. Much harder than Rachel or I could ever have imagined. I'm in a pretty constant state of over my head.
Secondly, it's been worth it. I've started to realize that when Jesus directed Peter to take the boats into deeper water, it was because being out of your depth is the best place to begin real fishing.
Im loving this even as I'm overwhelmed by it.
I'm 30 years old, and I'm the oldest member and lead pastor of my church.
I feel like a Timothy in need of a Paul.
I'm feeling the pressure of something that feels very new and the importance of connecting to something very old. I see the importance of learning new things without throwing out all the old.
I want to embrace the "I don't know" mystery of faith without losing the "this I know" basis for it.
I'm trying to shepherd a community in being disciples and disciple making, in bringing people to Jesus and being Jesus to people. I'm seeking and exploring and reading and praying and talking and listening and trying to lead and trying to follow.
Most of the time I feel like a dumb kid with a whole lot left to learn.
I heard a professor and theolgian say recently that the emerging churches and church plants are discovering that "there are no experts at this."
That is frightening in that I could use some experts and it's freeing in that I don't have to pretend to be one. I wanted to put this out there for any pastor, preacher, teacher, disciple and/or believer who ever felt like they were barely keeping their head above water. If it were just me and my "little faith" I would be drowning. Fortunately, Jesus is always there to save me.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Reading and Listening
So, I've decided to make "what I am reading/listening to" a regular feature on the ol' blog. I'm ADD and an avid enough reader/listener for that to change on a weekly basis. So, here's where we are this week:
Reading...
Any Human Heart by William Boyd. My friend and co-worker, Wellington Chew, suggested that I read this. It's a novel laid out as one man's series of journals throughout the 20th century. I'm only a third of the way through it and already tempted to call it a favorite. An excellent story.
Decoding the Universe by Charles Seife. Also recommended by Wellington. Also excellent. A very readable physics book for right brained people looking to tackle left brained subjects. I felt smarter just reading the introduction. And my head is swimming with sermon ideas connecting the Word to information and redundancy to His clues in the universe.
The Brothers K by David James Duncan. This is a re-read of one of my favorite novels. A story of a family trying to reconcile faith and family and love and loyalty and so on. It's very sad and very raw and very real.
The Soul of Prayer by PT Forsyth. Reading about prayer always does exactly what I hope it will do, which is get me praying more. Forsyth is amazing. Prayer is amazing. God is amazing. Not at all necessarily in that order.
Listening to...
Tommorow Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Bill Fay Group. If you haven't heard Bill Fay, but love Nick Drake, Bob Dylan, and every other iconic singer/songwriter I might name, you need to hear Bill Fay. Jeff Tweedy does a cover of Bill Fay's "Be Not So Fearful" in his live show, so you Wilco fans might like him too. Tomorrow may be my least favorite of his three, but it is also the most recent and my most recent purchase and may just need time to claim the 2nd or 1st place. A third place Bill Fay album is still a first rate album.
Live In Texas by Lyle Lovett. It's been awhile since I popped Lyle in the stereo, but I'm glad I did. This live show is so much fun. Rachel and I got to see this same tour at the Backyard some years back, and it was fantastic. His backup band and singers are something to hear as well.
Ill Communication by The Beastie Boys. I just needed to hear some 'Sabotage' this week. This music makes me want to roll down the windows and inflict it on pedestrians. It makes me want to jump off buildings and land on my feet. It makes me want to drive fast.
Streetcore by Joe Strummer. Nevermind the Sex Pistols, I'll take The Clash. Not that Joe Strummer's posthumously released album sounds much like The Clash. Still, it has stripped down, punk sensibilities, even in its quiet folkiness. Plus, a brilliant cover of 'Redemption Song'.
Someone commented that I didn't list what I'm watching in my last post. That's because I have a 2 1/2 year old son who makes my days as a moviegoer about 2 1/2 years past. I get out to a flick every once in awhile, but I usually have to wait to rent and then never get around to renting. I am looking forward to renting "Half Nelson". I hear good things. I'm watching "Heroes" on TV (the only show I make a point of watching), but will be giving up TV for lent. So, not much watching for a little while.
Reading...
Any Human Heart by William Boyd. My friend and co-worker, Wellington Chew, suggested that I read this. It's a novel laid out as one man's series of journals throughout the 20th century. I'm only a third of the way through it and already tempted to call it a favorite. An excellent story.
Decoding the Universe by Charles Seife. Also recommended by Wellington. Also excellent. A very readable physics book for right brained people looking to tackle left brained subjects. I felt smarter just reading the introduction. And my head is swimming with sermon ideas connecting the Word to information and redundancy to His clues in the universe.
The Brothers K by David James Duncan. This is a re-read of one of my favorite novels. A story of a family trying to reconcile faith and family and love and loyalty and so on. It's very sad and very raw and very real.
The Soul of Prayer by PT Forsyth. Reading about prayer always does exactly what I hope it will do, which is get me praying more. Forsyth is amazing. Prayer is amazing. God is amazing. Not at all necessarily in that order.
Listening to...
Tommorow Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Bill Fay Group. If you haven't heard Bill Fay, but love Nick Drake, Bob Dylan, and every other iconic singer/songwriter I might name, you need to hear Bill Fay. Jeff Tweedy does a cover of Bill Fay's "Be Not So Fearful" in his live show, so you Wilco fans might like him too. Tomorrow may be my least favorite of his three, but it is also the most recent and my most recent purchase and may just need time to claim the 2nd or 1st place. A third place Bill Fay album is still a first rate album.
Live In Texas by Lyle Lovett. It's been awhile since I popped Lyle in the stereo, but I'm glad I did. This live show is so much fun. Rachel and I got to see this same tour at the Backyard some years back, and it was fantastic. His backup band and singers are something to hear as well.
Ill Communication by The Beastie Boys. I just needed to hear some 'Sabotage' this week. This music makes me want to roll down the windows and inflict it on pedestrians. It makes me want to jump off buildings and land on my feet. It makes me want to drive fast.
Streetcore by Joe Strummer. Nevermind the Sex Pistols, I'll take The Clash. Not that Joe Strummer's posthumously released album sounds much like The Clash. Still, it has stripped down, punk sensibilities, even in its quiet folkiness. Plus, a brilliant cover of 'Redemption Song'.
Someone commented that I didn't list what I'm watching in my last post. That's because I have a 2 1/2 year old son who makes my days as a moviegoer about 2 1/2 years past. I get out to a flick every once in awhile, but I usually have to wait to rent and then never get around to renting. I am looking forward to renting "Half Nelson". I hear good things. I'm watching "Heroes" on TV (the only show I make a point of watching), but will be giving up TV for lent. So, not much watching for a little while.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Eros V. Agape
eros -a desire for sexual intimacy. sexual desire, concupiscence, or physical attraction
agape -selfless love of one person for another without sexual implications (especially love that is spiritual in nature)
Today is Valentine's Day. Romantics take the opportunity to get gooey, cynics call it a Hallmark holiday, and Hallmark benefits either way.
You can count me somewhere in between the romantics and the cynics. If the most love you ever show someone is because a day was set aside specifically for you to do so, there's a problem. On the other hand, why miss an opportunity to love on your loved ones just because everybody else is doing it?
Sure, it can be a Hallmark holiday, one that's wrapped up in eros, in the moment, in attraction and in lust. It can make those who have somebody feel extra special and those who don't feel depressed.
It can also be a time to simply reflect and remember what love is, to celebrate it and practice it.
However, on a day when the pictures of love tend to be hearts pierced with arrows, I reflect hands pierced with nails. On a day that can be all about eros (and there's nothing wrong with a little eros), I remember a day that was all about agape.
A Biblical writer named John put it this way, "This is how we know what love is; Jesus Christ laid down His life for us."
This act was the very definition of love. How appropriate, then, that when I looked up agape in the dictionary, the second definition was the one that begins this post. The first definition was this: the love of God or Christ for mankind.
The Bible says that "God is love." Not that we can define God in our own terms of love, but that we define love in terms of God. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Love is and does these things because they are what God is and does. And so those of us who seek to love each other, must follow the example of God who loved the world so much that He gave His only Son, that whoever believed in him would not die, but have eternal life.
Today I celebrate eros, my sexy wife and her curvy body and that smile that won't quit. But, more than that, I celebrate agape, my wife who sacrifices daily for her husband and her son and her church and her friends and her clients and for strangers on the street. I celebrate the people I know who love others as themselves. And I celebrate the God who is agape, whose love made the ultimate sacrifice for us.
agape -selfless love of one person for another without sexual implications (especially love that is spiritual in nature)
Today is Valentine's Day. Romantics take the opportunity to get gooey, cynics call it a Hallmark holiday, and Hallmark benefits either way.
You can count me somewhere in between the romantics and the cynics. If the most love you ever show someone is because a day was set aside specifically for you to do so, there's a problem. On the other hand, why miss an opportunity to love on your loved ones just because everybody else is doing it?
Sure, it can be a Hallmark holiday, one that's wrapped up in eros, in the moment, in attraction and in lust. It can make those who have somebody feel extra special and those who don't feel depressed.
It can also be a time to simply reflect and remember what love is, to celebrate it and practice it.
However, on a day when the pictures of love tend to be hearts pierced with arrows, I reflect hands pierced with nails. On a day that can be all about eros (and there's nothing wrong with a little eros), I remember a day that was all about agape.
A Biblical writer named John put it this way, "This is how we know what love is; Jesus Christ laid down His life for us."
This act was the very definition of love. How appropriate, then, that when I looked up agape in the dictionary, the second definition was the one that begins this post. The first definition was this: the love of God or Christ for mankind.
The Bible says that "God is love." Not that we can define God in our own terms of love, but that we define love in terms of God. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
Love is and does these things because they are what God is and does. And so those of us who seek to love each other, must follow the example of God who loved the world so much that He gave His only Son, that whoever believed in him would not die, but have eternal life.
Today I celebrate eros, my sexy wife and her curvy body and that smile that won't quit. But, more than that, I celebrate agape, my wife who sacrifices daily for her husband and her son and her church and her friends and her clients and for strangers on the street. I celebrate the people I know who love others as themselves. And I celebrate the God who is agape, whose love made the ultimate sacrifice for us.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Fear
Yesterday I filled out one of those typical online surveys with a bunch of random information, mostly because I was bored. Looking back over it today, I'm struck by how often I wrote the first thing that popped into my head, and the honest answers that resulted.
In particular, I fear: failure.
I wish this wasn't so true. Or I wish that the failure I feared wasn't so defined in human terms. The downfall of King Saul in the Old Testament of the Bible is wrapped up in this statement that he makes concerning himself: "I have sinned; I have indeed transgressed the command of JEHOVAH and your words, because I feared the people and listened to their voice."
I wish my answer had been I fear: God.
We fear so much because we fear God so little. Not a horrified "there's a monster under my bed" kind of fear, but an awe and respect that only God deserves. All my fears about how I am perceived and whether I'll succeed miss the point that I am already loved by the God who created the universe.
Thomas Merton asked, “Why should I desire anything that cannot give me God, and why should I fear anything that cannot take God away from me?”
The Bible says that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Only we have the power to deny that love, by living in pursuit of lesser things, of what Tony Campolo called "lovers less wild."
Singer/songwriter Derek Webb has a gift for singing what I'm thinking. Never more so than in the words to a song called "Wedding Dress". Here is the verse that always knocks me flat:
So could you love this bastard child
Though I don’t trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
And with the other in your side
So, week to week and day to day I keep coming back to the one who gave himself for me, who offers me grace through his death and new life through his resurrection. Who assures me that if I fear the LORD, I have nothing to fear. Who calls me away from everything this world has to offer and offers himself instead. Asks that I put him on in baptism, like new clothes. Who commands me to die so that I can live. Who asks me to trust him and gives me every reason to do so.
Our son, Harry, has a Psalm that he sings around the house from time to time, and it serves as a reminder to me:
"When I am afraid, I will trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise"
It is a reminder to me that if I live in God I have nothing to fear. It is the reminder of the apostle Paul in the book of Romans:
"What then shall we say to these things?
If God is for us, who is against us?"
My fellow church planter Bob Hyatt talks about fear and failure and mission this way:
"How will you define failure? I realized that failure wasn’t if we did this and had to close the doors in a year because not many people showed up and we couldn’t pay the bills. Failure would be if we failed to love the people God did bring us, if we failed to love each other in community, if we failed to feed, clothe and otherwise care for anyone. That would be failure… not if we simply failed to achieve any type of long term momentum and institutional stability. I realized that for me personally, failure would be if I didn’t even try. If you do this might you fail? I guess it depends on how you define failure. They say 80% of church plants fail. I don’t know about that… all I can say is that I think that many church plants that seem to be failures by the standard of “Did they make it?” were probably great adventures for many involved, probably introduced people to Christ and probably made a practical difference in the lives of some people who really needed those small, “failing” churches."
We may not meet with success as this world defines it, we may not always please people the way we had hoped, we may not always have the happiness that is so flighty and fickle at the best of times. But we will have the joy that is constant in the midst of sadness in the midst of pain and in the midst of anxiety. We will have the perfect love that casts out fear. We will lose the weight of this world when we put it down in exchange for taking up a cross. Jesus assures us "my yoke is easy and my burden is light" even as he calls us to die. Because no matter what hardship and sacrifice that God might call us to, it is nothing compared to the hardship of trying to live in this world without God. Because when I fear God I don't have to fear anything else.
In particular, I fear: failure.
I wish this wasn't so true. Or I wish that the failure I feared wasn't so defined in human terms. The downfall of King Saul in the Old Testament of the Bible is wrapped up in this statement that he makes concerning himself: "I have sinned; I have indeed transgressed the command of JEHOVAH and your words, because I feared the people and listened to their voice."
I wish my answer had been I fear: God.
We fear so much because we fear God so little. Not a horrified "there's a monster under my bed" kind of fear, but an awe and respect that only God deserves. All my fears about how I am perceived and whether I'll succeed miss the point that I am already loved by the God who created the universe.
Thomas Merton asked, “Why should I desire anything that cannot give me God, and why should I fear anything that cannot take God away from me?”
The Bible says that nothing can separate us from the love of God. Only we have the power to deny that love, by living in pursuit of lesser things, of what Tony Campolo called "lovers less wild."
Singer/songwriter Derek Webb has a gift for singing what I'm thinking. Never more so than in the words to a song called "Wedding Dress". Here is the verse that always knocks me flat:
So could you love this bastard child
Though I don’t trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
And with the other in your side
So, week to week and day to day I keep coming back to the one who gave himself for me, who offers me grace through his death and new life through his resurrection. Who assures me that if I fear the LORD, I have nothing to fear. Who calls me away from everything this world has to offer and offers himself instead. Asks that I put him on in baptism, like new clothes. Who commands me to die so that I can live. Who asks me to trust him and gives me every reason to do so.
Our son, Harry, has a Psalm that he sings around the house from time to time, and it serves as a reminder to me:
"When I am afraid, I will trust in you.
In God, whose word I praise"
It is a reminder to me that if I live in God I have nothing to fear. It is the reminder of the apostle Paul in the book of Romans:
"What then shall we say to these things?
If God is for us, who is against us?"
My fellow church planter Bob Hyatt talks about fear and failure and mission this way:
"How will you define failure? I realized that failure wasn’t if we did this and had to close the doors in a year because not many people showed up and we couldn’t pay the bills. Failure would be if we failed to love the people God did bring us, if we failed to love each other in community, if we failed to feed, clothe and otherwise care for anyone. That would be failure… not if we simply failed to achieve any type of long term momentum and institutional stability. I realized that for me personally, failure would be if I didn’t even try. If you do this might you fail? I guess it depends on how you define failure. They say 80% of church plants fail. I don’t know about that… all I can say is that I think that many church plants that seem to be failures by the standard of “Did they make it?” were probably great adventures for many involved, probably introduced people to Christ and probably made a practical difference in the lives of some people who really needed those small, “failing” churches."
We may not meet with success as this world defines it, we may not always please people the way we had hoped, we may not always have the happiness that is so flighty and fickle at the best of times. But we will have the joy that is constant in the midst of sadness in the midst of pain and in the midst of anxiety. We will have the perfect love that casts out fear. We will lose the weight of this world when we put it down in exchange for taking up a cross. Jesus assures us "my yoke is easy and my burden is light" even as he calls us to die. Because no matter what hardship and sacrifice that God might call us to, it is nothing compared to the hardship of trying to live in this world without God. Because when I fear God I don't have to fear anything else.
Monday, February 12, 2007
A Bit Of Random
I Want: Aurelio's pizza
I Have: more than I need
I Wish: I could walk into movies
I Hate: seafood
I Miss: certain people
I Fear: failure
I Hear: my son talking when he should be napping
I Search: all the time
I Wonder: as I wander
I Love: Rachel
I Always: put jelly on the last bite of pancake
I Am Not: a good person
I Dance: badly
I Sing: well
I Cry: from joy more than sadness
I Am Not Always: who I ought to be
I Win: some
I Lose: some
I Confuse: children with angels
I Need: Jesus
I should: break from this and get Harry to lay down
Yes or No...
You keep a diary/journal: yes
You like to cook: yes
You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: no
You set your watch a few minutes ahead: no
You bite your fingernales: yes
You believe in love: yes
You've been in love: yes
You have a crush: yes
Who is...?
Weirdest person you know: hard to say, I know some weird people
Loudest person you know: sarah or bri
Sexiest person you know: rachel
Person that knows the most about you: rachel
Most boring teacher: mr. bagwell
When you see this name, you think of...
Ryan: cousin
Rob: college friend
Drew: cousin
James: and the Giant Peach
Stephanie: high school crush
Heather: longtime family friend
Aaron: former co-worker and current friend
Amy: BookPerson
Will: kid from my first youth group
Paul: uncle
Eve: Adam
John: Malcovich
Lauren: how many Laurens I know
Alex: Michels
Jessica: Immanuel member
Dave: Barry
Justin: Case
This, or that:
Cuddle or Make out? I see no reason to separate the two
Chocolate Milk, or Hot chocolate? depends on the weather
Milk, Dark, or White Chocolate? milk
Vanilla or Chocolate? pudding or ice cream?
In the past week have you...
Cried? yes
Helped someone? yes
Bought something? yes
Gotten sick? no
Gone to the movies? no
Said "I love you" and meant it? yes
Written a real letter? no
Talked to an Ex? no
Missed an Ex? no
Written in a journal? yes
Had a serious talk? yes
Hugged someone? yes
Fought with your parents? no
Would you ever...
1. Eat a bug? sure
2. Bungee jump? never say never, but no. never.
3. Hang glide? no
4. Kill someone? no
5. Parachute from a plane? no
6. Walk on hot coals? no
7. Go out with someone just for their looks? no
8. For their reputation? if their reputation was as a really nice person, sure
9. Be a vegetarian? sure
10. Wear plaid with stripes? isn't plaid just a series of stripes?
11. IM a stranger? sure
12. Sing karaoke? yes
13. Get drunk? no
14. Shoplift? no
15. Run a red light? not on purpose
16. Dye your hair blue? no
17. Be on survivor? no
18. Wear makeup in public? no
19. NOT wear makeup in public? yes
20. Cheat on a test? i have, but i wouldn't
21. Make someone cry? yes
22. Kick a baby? this is absurd
23. Date someone more than ten years older than you? yes, but that'd be the limit
24. Take a job as a janitor? yes
I Have: more than I need
I Wish: I could walk into movies
I Hate: seafood
I Miss: certain people
I Fear: failure
I Hear: my son talking when he should be napping
I Search: all the time
I Wonder: as I wander
I Love: Rachel
I Always: put jelly on the last bite of pancake
I Am Not: a good person
I Dance: badly
I Sing: well
I Cry: from joy more than sadness
I Am Not Always: who I ought to be
I Win: some
I Lose: some
I Confuse: children with angels
I Need: Jesus
I should: break from this and get Harry to lay down
Yes or No...
You keep a diary/journal: yes
You like to cook: yes
You have a secret you have not shared with anyone: no
You set your watch a few minutes ahead: no
You bite your fingernales: yes
You believe in love: yes
You've been in love: yes
You have a crush: yes
Who is...?
Weirdest person you know: hard to say, I know some weird people
Loudest person you know: sarah or bri
Sexiest person you know: rachel
Person that knows the most about you: rachel
Most boring teacher: mr. bagwell
When you see this name, you think of...
Ryan: cousin
Rob: college friend
Drew: cousin
James: and the Giant Peach
Stephanie: high school crush
Heather: longtime family friend
Aaron: former co-worker and current friend
Amy: BookPerson
Will: kid from my first youth group
Paul: uncle
Eve: Adam
John: Malcovich
Lauren: how many Laurens I know
Alex: Michels
Jessica: Immanuel member
Dave: Barry
Justin: Case
This, or that:
Cuddle or Make out? I see no reason to separate the two
Chocolate Milk, or Hot chocolate? depends on the weather
Milk, Dark, or White Chocolate? milk
Vanilla or Chocolate? pudding or ice cream?
In the past week have you...
Cried? yes
Helped someone? yes
Bought something? yes
Gotten sick? no
Gone to the movies? no
Said "I love you" and meant it? yes
Written a real letter? no
Talked to an Ex? no
Missed an Ex? no
Written in a journal? yes
Had a serious talk? yes
Hugged someone? yes
Fought with your parents? no
Would you ever...
1. Eat a bug? sure
2. Bungee jump? never say never, but no. never.
3. Hang glide? no
4. Kill someone? no
5. Parachute from a plane? no
6. Walk on hot coals? no
7. Go out with someone just for their looks? no
8. For their reputation? if their reputation was as a really nice person, sure
9. Be a vegetarian? sure
10. Wear plaid with stripes? isn't plaid just a series of stripes?
11. IM a stranger? sure
12. Sing karaoke? yes
13. Get drunk? no
14. Shoplift? no
15. Run a red light? not on purpose
16. Dye your hair blue? no
17. Be on survivor? no
18. Wear makeup in public? no
19. NOT wear makeup in public? yes
20. Cheat on a test? i have, but i wouldn't
21. Make someone cry? yes
22. Kick a baby? this is absurd
23. Date someone more than ten years older than you? yes, but that'd be the limit
24. Take a job as a janitor? yes
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